Stories From The Universe Behind This One.
 
 
 

On a certain island is a large off/on switch
that legend says was once of some significance. 
The current inhabitants mostly ignore it.

Achieving expertise in any activity involving the mind 
is always a gradual process.
There is one exception.
 
 
 
 

Schools for, “Getting A Leg Up” 
all employ the same approach.
First they tell a prospective student to 
stand on one leg;
then they ask him: “How does that feel?”
and if he replies: “Great!”
they then say to him: “Do you realize that during your normal day you never willfully stand on one leg?!”
and, if after thinking about this for a moment,
the applicant indicates he is so aware,
they then tell him that that condition is called: 
“ being flatfooted,”
and if the neophyte’s face then drops, 
they inform him that through certain methods they teach 
a person can learn to stand on one foot, and,
“Get a leg up,” 
and if this news returns him to cheerfulness, 
he is accepted as a student,
and thus commences a schooling that, 
once so begun, 
never comes to end.

The problem is not the result of anything 
the school teaches, 
but is due to the way the mind works.

       Not everything is a leisure time activity.
 
 
 
 
 

In one village, 
everyone who lived east of the town square, spoke, 
while everyone who lived west, never did.
Both groups lived identical lives,
yet the first didn’t realize it.
 

On one planet;
a belief in tomorrow
erases today.

On another world;
looking over there
wrecks right here.

And on a third orb;
listening to voices
makes you go blind.
 
 

The platforms where the trains leave for Magicville
are always filled with awaiting passengers.

      Passengers never get where they’re going.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

In one canyon if you hold a mirror up in front of you,
and look back over your shoulder,
everything that you don’t see
is precisely what you’re searching for.
 

In one country there are two political parties;
Those Who Stand Up, and,
Those Who Lay Down.
(And only the latter believe that 
their position need be discussed, and explained.)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

There was once an agent who represented 
a ventriloquist and his dummy.
The ventriloquist never said much, 
but the dummy almost drove him crazy -- 
--   always talkin’ show biz,
and wantin’ to know when they’d get work.

He wished he could dump the dummy,
but what’s a ventriloquist act without a dummy?!
 
 
 
 
 
 

One solar system was invaded by pirates,
who stole the voices of anyone 
who wasn’t staring at the furniture.
 
 
 
 
 
 

There is a difference between a, “hobby,” and,
“levitating”;
one is impossible, 
and the other, meaningless,
(and of course what I meant to say is that there is a
common denominator between them.)
 
 
 
 
 
 

Over by the coast are Siamese twins, T. & S.
who you can hire to give you directions,
but be forewarned;
when T. points in some direction and tells you that,
“over there” is where you’re wanting to go,
that means you are already there at that exact instant.

…(Oh yeah, S. never says anything -- 
     ….that’s how you recognize him.

     And one more thing: don’t bother asking,
     you can’t hire just him.)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

At the airport on one star,
when you step to the door of a plane,
and they ask if you are on your way some where,
if you say, Yes --  they won’t let you on.

  Why would a man go to the trouble of renting a car,
  then never drive it off the lot? 

(Oh, all right: “And never TRY to drive it off the lot?”)
 
 
 
 
 

And finally, for all of you die-hard, “stay-at-homers”,
remember this: 
you can either:
look out the windows and at your hands  --  OR,
you can stare at the carpet and mildew.

“Just a second there sir, before you leave I’d like some clarification of what you said:
do you mean that I can look at carpet that is mildewed,
or that I myself may become so 
by staring at my indoors so much?”
 
 
 
 

A man rented a room to a sailor and his parrot.
The sailor never spoke;
the parrot did all of their talking.

The man grew sick of the parrot, 
and one day shot him…..
and the sailor dropped dead.

Second Ending: “but the parrot kept on talking.”
Third Ending: “then realized it was actually 
the sailor he hated.” 
Fourth Ending: “but discovered he’d shot himself.” 
Fifth Ending:  “and as he lay dying, 
couldn’t remember why he’d been upset to begin with.
…and thus died, Enlightened,"  I mean, "satisfied."
 

                                            JAN