‘Tis a glorious day here in Pincenez, Pakistan, 
birthplace of the reclusive inventor, Ban Ray 
who, after making a spectacle of himself over an 
armored pun detector he attempted to market, 
retreated to the near by Beverly Mountains where he now leads tours that drive past homes where famous international terrorists have not been recently spotted.
His daughter has joined us here at the hotel for the Sunday brunch, and her well known special hair style
reminds us of course of that special something,
always on the menu of the few. 
And while she is grazing at the table buffet
let’s look through some of the stories already in our  wire service file regarding that scrumptious matter.
(You didn’t forget your glasses again did you?)
 
 

Let’s begin with this report from our 
correspondent in Paris.

“In one reality,
what we call staring,
the locals call thinking.

In that same reality,
what we call the inside of our eye lids,
the locals call their world view.

Also in that reality,
what we accept as being brain tics,
they embrace as enlightenment.

We are citizens of the universe;
we live both where we are,
and also in that other reality,
(and I don’t know about you,
but I’m pretty well pissed about it.)”
 
 
 
 
 

Hummm  --   okay. 
Well here’s a story from our man in Tokyo.

“A local researcher delivered this announcement at
a conference here today.
’I have discovered the one and only cure for
all of man’s non-physical problems,
and that is that 
there IS no cure for these problems.

The solution has been right there under our noses 
for all these thousands of years –
yet no one ever realized it until now.

What a totally exhilarating and obvious answer to such an 
ancient and complex problem,
(not to mention the efficiency bonus!)’”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Here is something that just came in from our 
Consumer Affairs reporter.

“If you don’t want to think about certain things –
think about the cost of thinking about them.”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

And this from our South American desk.

“It is being reported here that there are two ways of
dealing with foolishness when it is presented as seriousness.
One is to ignore it,
and the other is to add to it.

One expert in ventriloquism in Montevideo 
refers to this as:
’Making the dummy do his own talking.’” 

(Editor’s Aside: His comment is based on the obscure 
gambit of turning up your radio real loud 
to ward off a tornado.

[When shopping,
if you’ll ignore the shelves of
sham insomnolence potions
you’ll lose your taste to chase after 
light that is illusion.]) 
 
 
 
 
 
 

One of our stringers in Singapore sends in this story.

“An elderly man recently interviewed 
on one of the out islands says that he does not trust anyone who is complimentary to him.
He says he believes that they know more than 
they’re letting on.” 

(Publisher’s Addendum: Do you think he may have somehow heard of that curious theory I told you about that claims that everyone in the world is awake 
but YOU!)
 
 

Oh, here is an item that came to us from an informant
who lurks around the suburbs of Sofia.
“A local astronaut, just back from a trip
filed this report with the appropriate authorities:
‘Heaven is where you find it.
Everything else is where IT finds you.’”
(It’s always good to hear from that part of the world,
is it not?!

Upp!  Here she comes back with a 
piled high plate for you.
You two entertain one another,
I’ll be out on the terrace.)

                                         JAN