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The Outside Wrangler's Neural Tenderizer
 SEPTEMBER 29, 2004                                                            © 2004: JAN COX

The ole man said to the kid, subsequent a disappointing episode:
“All ocean liners were once tug boats,” and the lad said:
    “I guess that is supposed to encourage me.”
“Damn boy! –  being conscious –  and able to manipulate it  –
is what should encourage you.
Skunks (with no individual ideas) can only stink, but man (bearing consciousness)
is capable of inventing perfume.”
(The kid momentarily pouted  –   then brightened right up!
It sometimes takes even the scions of the extraordinary a few seconds to get over the initial annoyance of hearing the schematics of their hearing aid technically described.
“Hey!  –   if I’d wanted to actually understand what’s going on with life,
I’d’ve asked to be born bein’ more like you guys and your family.”
Suggestion: The presence of black holes in the same universe as man is no accident.)

Just before they are adamantly and permanently not going to get it,
many people will say: “I don’t get it.”
(It is common practice in the city for asphalters to announce in advance
the paving over of additional ground.)
If you do not continually kill off some of the future possibilities,
there can be so many as to upset your present.         (And we sure don’t want that!)
If human institutions and man’s collective mind are the harbor masters
charged with the safety of ordinary men’s day-sailor-thinking,
then the rebel’s consciousness is an unmarked, one-man submarine.

As he looked intently at his self in a mirror, a man pondered:
“Would things have gone better if I had begun by trying-to-get-out,
and then later worried about how-to-get-in, rather than the opposite approach I took?” He leaned in closer, staring into his shallow eyes --  and finally faced the fact that
he had no real idea what he was talking about.
(As he turned and walked away however, his reflection smiled and winked.)

In a desire to be quoted by life, one guy, for the record said:
“Aw   –  FUCK IT!”  which, sad to say, was not sufficiently memorable (or original)
to get him in the book.
(Perhaps the underobservation of the century.)

There is a genetic code to language; all words have their own DNA.

Fending off exhortations for self-examination, one man says: “Hey  –  take a good look;  if you were me, would YOU have any interest in knowing-yourself!?”

One man lays it out thus:
“Another sign of god’s omnipresence is that when he selects a group
to be his favorites, he doesn’t waste his time telling anyone but them,
since no one else is going to believe it anyway.
(You can bet your booties on one thing: If he ain’t super efficient  –  he ain’t really god.”
    [“Guess that leaves me out,” said a voice from somewhere.])

Today’s Test.
Check: If you are breathing  –   and talking about justice  –
you are a certifiable imbecile.
(No need for concern however, for you’re also perfectly normal.)

Medical Update.
There is a consciousness virus that has only one natural enemy.
(And truth is, even it ain’t all that natural.)

Whenever this one man is found to have said something incorrect or just plain dumb,
he never displays any sign of embarrassment there over –
which tells you one of two things.

One chap pondered: “What is the actual purpose of: words-to-live-by?
If for example it is inherently true that: Honesty-is-the-best-policy,
then why need it be put in words?
We need no written/verbal instructions to walk?!”

One man’s special consciousness periodically says:
“Remember: If you let Plan A fail  –   there IS no Plan B.”
(Nothing is as encouraging as the lack of an alternative.)

One man could see with only one eye  –   he only HAD one eye!
    “How ‘bout when he took a snooze.”
Then he had two  --  like everyone else.

One guy has a special link with the past, he calls it: forgetting.

After one of his lengthy tirades, someone said to a man:
“One particular thing you said leads me to doubt that you fully know
what you are talking about,” to which he replied: “Hell man!  –
everything I say should lead you to realize that I never know what I’m talking about.”

One guy has one theory for everything  –   just one.

Proclaimed a speaker in city park:
“If you are of metaphysical bent you have your choice of seeing the forces that you find disruptive in your life as either coming from without,
(such as in the form of satan and his minions),
or coming from within (in the form of psychological traumas).....but wait,
which were caused by forces outside of you, so........aw! -- forget it,”
and he moved on to subject of a flat tax.

The Malcontent Mingling Of Senses.
Says one man: “If I could just shut up  --  maybe I’d be able to focus my eyes/I’s.”

As a prelude to his rejection of the man’s loan application,
the banker laid back in his chair, laced his hands behind his head,
gazed at the ceiling and said:
“Giving an ungainly bird another wing will not necessarily improve the bird’s life,”
and the applicant (sensing the drift of the conversation)
complimented the money lender on his axiomatic insights regarding the aviary world, then stood, and kicked his chair out from under him.
Moral: Birds of whatever viscid feather may offer no protection for those
             who’ve heard it all before.

And now, Captain Billy with our: Joke For The Day.
“What is the difference between a man full of advice and a man full of shit?”

A father said to a son:
“Everyone actually knows-the-secret --  they just can’t articulate it.”
“Naw –  but I had you there for a second.”

Just before it rains  –   everyone gets really dry.


Jan's Daily Fresh Real News

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