A father said to a son:
“If someone’s ideas bother you enough for you to criticize them by name –
that’s a shame,
‘cause you could probably learn something from them
(seeing as how they [and everybody else in the world] are at least as smart as you are.”
    “And that would be evident just by my having complained about them by name?”
     said the kid.
“Yeah --  ain't it a bitch!” whooped the ole man.
 
 

To patients in a hospital, what medical science can do often seems a miracle,
while to those who work in hospitals, that patients get out alive often seems a miracle.
(Cf. religion and psychiatry        --      if you want to.)
 
 

One man posits:
“At one stage in the struggle-to-awaken the big question seems to be:
Offense, or defense?”
 
 

In speculative conversation with his dog a man posed:
“Is there a great difference between being verbally nimbly cynical
and sounding like you’re awake?”  And the pooch pondered:
“Is there a difference between a fart and a volcanic eruption?”
 
 

Nouns come and go   –    but verbs are forever.
 
 

As part of his come-on to consciousness, one man claimed he offered a “breath-taking-panoramic-view.”
 
 

One chap says the only interest he finds in feng shui concerns the juxtaposition of the thoughts that appear in his mind to his consciousness.
 
 

Even though one man had been appointed Director Of His Own Public Safety
he did not consider any accident serious that was not fatal.
 
 

Psychological Health Today.
Only machines have scheduled-maintenance.
 
 

On one world no artist is allowed to ever produce a work which could possibly rival-his-own-masterpiece.
(The prohibition has never had to be enforced.)
    “Yes, he may have had-it-in-him  –   but it’s out now.”
 
 

One guy’s bonus tip:
“The less you talk the more non-stupider you sound.”
 
 

Reflections Of Civic Services.
The zip code of one up and coming planet is: Double O Overlapping.
(Though its inhabitants do not appear to fully appreciate it.)
 
 

One fellow notes that having dark clouds overhead at least reminds you that
you have a head.
(And another guy mutters: “If I hear the words, ‘at-least’ one more time I’ll implode!”)
 
 

According to unpublished rebel medical texts: real morality is in disease,
(which is to say): it is physical  –   not theoretical.
(Those in the city suffering the ill of public-guilt instantly inject: “We don’t like it!”  –
and when the request was made for all those not so afflicted to raise their hand  –   none went up.
When all are pickled  –  are any?
 
 

Oceanography Update.
One man's consciousness is demanding that he immediately start making provisions
to protect it from rogue waves.
 
 

One man pondered: “Why do some people interested in the idea of waking-up,
find it funny, and some don't?
(Could it have anything to do with baboons only laughing at their own jokes?)”
 
 

There is another planet where it is impossible to say:
“Yes, I realize that is true  –   but I still don’t like it.”
 
 

Proverb Update.
What goes up  --  must have had a good reason.
 
 

When he heard golfers described as: Men who pick up sticks & go looking for trouble, one nervous-system-rebel mused: “Sounds like me, internally.”
 
 

One man thinks of trying-to-wake-up as: The exception to everything.
 
 

After he was refused a drink on extended-credit,
he said as he walked to the door:
“Man, in his unseen inner manifestation, is like the blueprints to a majestic structure which has been folded, unfolded and refolded an untold number of times,
and is carried in the back pocket of a really fat and sweaty guy  --  who sits a lot.”
(Which gave all of those present in the establishment something quite substantial
to think about.............had their purpose in being there been to think).
 
 

Behind the scenes of every noun is a verb.
 
 

If you are even interested in other people enough to criticize them,
you are too interested in the wrong thing to ever wake up.
 
 

A church in one city, on their designated day of worship,
selects who among their priests will lead the services that week
on the basis of which of them feels the worst that day.
 
 

One chap swears he's found the area where they invented the whole idea of failure.
 
 

A father cautioned a son: “There are those who will try to imitate the voice of life, offering to meet-you-half-way in prison activities  --  don't fall for it.”
 
 

One non-sanctioned journal reports on a clinic which claims to have isolated a significant number of problems and got them to admit they were merely
a natural part of ordinary consciousness.
(They didn’t bother to note that no one was interested in the findings….
......since that had been established eons ago.)
 
 

Each human, as per their DNA, is neurally wired up to want to play:
This is me according to  –   ME!
(The hobby that, just like cancer  –   never stops giving.)

Never admit that you’re everyday-people (unless everyone else does first).

Never count-your-chickens using either the new math or the metric system.

Never ask the Grand Inquisitor if he’d like to suspend your interrogation
and have his self a nice pee break.

Never believe that something is true just because you believe it’s true.

Never try the pastry-of-the-day if it is doughnuts filled with gunpowder.

Never move to a country whose flag has your phone number on it.

Never look forward to anything that is already done or is in the future.

Never accept a social invitation from the king if it is written in invisible ink.

Never turn off a light you didn’t want turned off.

Never put your money in a mutual fund that has the word, suicide in its name.

Never pretend that something un-funny is funny,
unless at the very least you find it funny that anyone else would find it funny.

Never salute a parade just because your uncle’s on  –   or IS --  a float.

Never surprise a man  in a pith helmet by suddenly shouting: “Where’s your tuba?”

Never spend more on food than you would if you didn’t have to eat.

Never turn in a false alarm unless you want to turn on a faux fire department.

Never admit to any government agency that you have any body openings.

Never promise an old person anything (unless you’re trapped!)

Never wait for them to call you  –   and by no means call them,
(just go out of town for a few day’s until it all blows over).

Never assume you can tell which way the train went
just because you’re holding some old ticket stubs.

Never expect that drugs can do-for-you what they can do for themselves.

Never permit someone on parole to replate your children.

Never assume that anything meaningful has any actual significance.

Never order home-delivery-pizza from a place whose phone number spells out
the word: arsonist.

Never expect a close relative to ever be all that close,
and never expect a close-call to be any less than just that.

Never accept the idea that not-going-to-the-bathroom will cause a refund check
to arrive any sooner.