The Power Of Serpentine Subterfuge.
One man always introduces himself:
“Hello, my name is so-&-so and I’m impersonating a police officer,”
and if the other person sees through the charade he’ll say:
“Okay you caught me: I’m actually pretending to be a podiatrist.”
 
 

How Mind Can Mindfuck Itself –  And In A Way SO-O-O Appealing
That Not One Soul In Six Billion Ever Notices.
Men commonly comment that some so-called spiritual-truth is obviously valid since all of men’s major religions say that it is.
    (“So!  --  not just Cinderella but all her sisters as well deny that the call came
       from their house.     Well, I guess that proves it.”)
 
 
 

One figure gave another a quiz: “Listen to this and tell me who it is about:
God said: 'I made A attractive so that B would love A,
and I made A stupid so that A would love B?” and the second figure replied:
    “It's about woman and man.”
“Nope  –  humans and consciousness.”
 
 
 

The Investigation.
One man asks beautiful women to remove their clothes only for as long as
it takes him to get-to-the-bottom-of-things.
 
 
 

One man says the most elaborate and thrilling dream he has left is to be refueled-while-in-flight.
 
 
 

One man came up with an alternative to every thought he has.
 
 
 

One man keeps a constant diary of his life  –   in his cells!  –
(which he cleans out every evening with a hot shower and scrub).
 
 
 

There’s always at least one dead giveaway that every man is a raging, if well-hidden, dumbass  –   and generally not seen  --  since he sits on it  –   wallows in it  –
lives in it so completely that the color can’t be distinguished from the vegetable.
     (“Your secret is eternally safe with me,” said the wall to the wall safe’s
        empty interior.)
 
 
 

Like any normal man and broadcast facility  --
he has more commercials than programming.
 
 

Conversation.
 “The only thing he needed to hear was: ‘They’re watching you,’
indeed, that was the only thing he wanted to here.”
    “Don’t you mean, hear?!”
 “Do I?”
 
 
 

Save On Psychiatric Bills.
The way to tell that you are normal is that you still have advice to give.
 
 
 

Now It Can Be Told.
The man who knows what’s going on is interested in what others think about
his knowing on the first Thursday of every month.
(And has needless dental work done every Monday.)
 
 

Dialogue.
“One man will only watch fictional movies, tv dramas or read novels that are
about his life.”
    “His fictional  life, I suppose you mean?!”
“As opposed to what other kind could you possibly have in mind!?”
 
 
 

The Two Sides Of Digestion.
One guy demands:
“How come you can eat too much, but you can’t crap too much?”
    (“And the metaphorical aspect of this is what  exactly?”)
 
 
 

The  Old Sorehead’s Quote Of The Day.
“I don’t like drugs because of the way they make me feel  –   good.”
 
 
 

After finally noticing the sign on the wall that said:
“He Who Controls Conditions  –   Controls The Game,”
Life threw down his cards, stood up from the table and with no further ado,
bade the Universe adieu.
 
 
 

Says one chap:
“The best thing about working for a charity is that you’re soliciting for someone besides yourself  –  which makes it feel like it doesn't count.”
     (“Are you sure that wasn’t someone's routine thoughts who said that?!”)
 
 
 

You know how valuable a man’s project is if his favorite pastime is
talking about how to fund it.
 
 
 

Everyone at city hall who heard of the official’s firing for incompetence
were shocked   –  SHOCKED! I say.
Centipedes keep their thousand legs by looking after each and every one of them.
 
 
 

One man has so much extra on the mental ball that if he stands up too quickly
he gets jet lag.
 
 
 

Says one chap: “I’ve found that if I don’t eat at night, I sleep better,
but if I do eat, I feel better when I awaken.”
    (“Paw, is he talking about food or reading?”)
 
 
 

The head of the news department started the daily meeting by saying:
“I want someone to tell me: What is the biggest accident that has ever occurred
in the history of the world,” and all of the responses he received, he waved away,
'til he finally answered his own query:
“It is: Consciousness feeling that when it talks about itself,
it is something other than it talking.”
And when one of the reporters said: “In that case: Shouldn’t your question have been: ‘What is the biggest illusion that has ever taken place?’”
to which he dismissively replied: “Same thing.”