One man will take things he has to do and do them at times other than when they actually have to be done, and (as you might suspect) takes things he doesn’t actually have to do, and doesn’t do them.

So’s not to waste any time, one revolutionist father told his son on the day he was born: “Kid, if you’ve got a past  –  you ain't part of this family.”

One guy said to a relative who’d just moved here from another world:
“If people here really get on your case about something or the other,
and you’re not sure how to respond, just tell ‘em: ‘See my agent – talk to my agent,” and the émigré said that he didn’t have an agent and the guy replied:
“That’s what you think!”

At a recent convention, attendees were treated to The Muncie Theorem,
which postulates:
“If one theorem will do,
Life will give you two.”
   (Professor Muncie says he has a second one but is saving it for next year’s conclave.)

On some worlds, poets are wont to muse about:
“The heavens weeping for the suffering of the creatures living below,”
while if they had a more complex view of reality, they would be struck instead by
the beautiful (or better still: humorous) balance between what creatures get,
and what they can bear before they fold up like a cardboard coffin
(and with some doing an endless running commentary on it all, right up ‘til the end.
   Said a mortician to a customer: “Sir –  I'll bury you for free if you'll just shut up.”)

The most recent scientific study reveals that now, 88.4 percent of all human speech consists of one person criticizing another.

In one city are two brothers, both psychiatrists, who have a similar approach
to the plying of their practice, but with a sly deviation at the end:
when a patient appears to be running out of either interest, money or patience, the first brother will counsel: “Dear Sir or Madame: my advice to you is: ‘Clean up your act,’” while faced with the same circumstance the sibling will say to the one on his couch: “My best professional suggestion to you is: ‘Clean up your room.’”
   (Neither of the two practitioners are particularly well-known, respected or liked,
    for perhaps the same reason that some windows in town have said: “I don’t do men’s minds.”)

A chap who claims to have traveled to many worlds says he has discovered one thing common to all galaxies, which is:
None of the local gods anywhere liked to be asked: “When are you having a sale?”
The King’s brother-in-law in one land (in charge of Royal Corruption)
has a pertinent slogan: “To attract the creeps  –  sell it cheap.”)
The nervous-system-entrepreneur has a similar approach in what he attempts to pull-off in his neural kingdom, except he is the only person involved in
his transactions.   (Notes one: “If you can't cheat yourself  –  you ain't no real con man.”)

In one state was a man who was well-respected, and when he publicly admitted that
he did not know why this was so  –  he was respected even more.
   (Those who don’t speak to you may be your best friends             --            especially if they're naked.)

One area of a man’s mind exclaimed: “I am dazzled by my own brilliance!”  –
and another part muttered: “You got wussy eyes.”

A short scene from the larger drama: “Reason & Logic Are Alive & Well,
Their Verbal Worth I Cannot Tell.”
As we join the action, the first actor speaks:
“You cannot take a vacation unless you have a job,” and a second player responds:
“But if you did not have a job you would not need a vacation.”
The first actor stops all movement as he ponders this comment for a moment…..
then for a minute….then for an hour……then the next day he returns to the stage
and says to his theatrical counterpart: “I now have a response to your assertion;
it does however require that I first kill you.”

Those who praise the past are deaf to the past,
and those who fear the future are blind to it.

Cartographical impossibilities are just the map the inner explorer is looking for.
   (“Chris  –  you do understand that ultimately you must  fashion your own, right?”)

Two types dislike a know-it-all: those who know-it-none,
and those who know-it-none, but say they know-it-all.
    (“How ‘bout all the cows in the middle of the herd?”
           They at least have some chance.)

Irony is the inevitable as seen by non-thinkers.

Ordinary thinking has no allegiance to anything but a man’s genetic template,
certainly not to the facts, or the so-called truth,
such subjects as these can only be handled by real thinking.