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ONE GUY DECIDED THERE ARE
WORSE THINGS THAN BEING DUMB

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But Was Too Stupid To Figure Out What They Were

February 27, 2007                                          © 2007 JAN COX

"Gads!" exclaimed one guy, "If life wasn't such fun, it'd be frightening." And (as may not surprise some of you), he had a partner who would say just the opposite.

As he walked away from the crowd,
his final words flung back were:
"Well at least having a headache proves you have a head!"

After each successive failure,
this one fellow would remind himself,
"Remember: The higher you climb, the farther you have to fall."-- an axiom, which in his case, never got actually tested.
(Dirty Dick's Dirty Question Of The Day: Is his case your case??)

It could be said that in one area of life there are two pertinent hobbies possible: being yourself, or not being yourself--and almost everyone is involved in the former, one way or another, whether they particularly like themselves or nay.

In a certain other solar system that on several occasions has attempted to get trains to float, one man had himself committed to a women's prison in hopes that therein he'd discover a handful of pardons.
(Important scientific footnote: This is indeed a spurious tale inasmuch as the primary world, in this example represented by sexual desire, never runs backwards--unlike some other worlds we could mention.)

In one city lives a man who has concluded as follows:
"The younger end of the human nervous system is far too delicate to fool around with--unless you're going to do so quite harshly."
And a reader writes: "Some of your ideas sound to me potentially dangerous, but which is not my problem, since I won't ever try to use them. Yours," etc.

In an unrelated area, one man sent himself a post card that asked,
"Why do all kings--that's right, I said all kings--have armed guards?"
I assume he meant all external kings-you-can-see--right?
Don't you hope?

In a matter even more disconnected than the previous one, another man turned over on his side and wondered, "If you never reached the place of at least internally resisting change, and seeing life as regressing, how would you ever be able to die?"

Yet another subject so far removed from the previous ones as to need no disclaimer, you might want to note that normal intellectual maturity was the original inspiration for the processes of pickling and canning.

Sometimes as he walked down the street he would glance into the glass store fronts and before he could speak, his reflection would look at him and say, "There but for the grace of god go I."

As day would change to night,
then night drift back to day,
then continue the endless process,
a sign would sometimes appear in the heavens
for the land-captive creatures to see and ponder:
"Without melancholy there is nothing."
It proved to be a favorite.

As the Chief Engineer stood near the main dynamo considering some of the customers' questions regarding the possibility of "overload," he wanted to tell them, "Only the weak never know how weak they are."

A reader takes this opportunity to write us thusly:
"That just read little story is but a splendid example of what your `modifier-bashing' has wrought. (To wit): Had you said, for instance, `Only the TRULY weak never know how weak they are,' then fairly ordinary people like myself could better accept the idea at face value -- at least immediately sufficient for us to perhaps consider further, in more depth at a future time. My point being, that although some of what you say might be of potential value, I feel that you oftentimes deliver it too briskly and directly for your--I mean--our own good."
It was kinda hard to make out the signature, but I think he attempted to forge YOUR name to the letter.

They normally let those in costume in first; they also usually permit them to be first shot. At times when he wasn't real hungry, this one man would sit outside and think, "What's the use in even being captured if you're not sure they'll mistreat you?!!"

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