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One ole man told his kid, "If they start calling the roll, always feel free to leave,"
and the younger asked, "Does that include you, Pop?"
"Especially me."

Now here's one for a Monday:
I knew this guy who when finished writing certain letters would seal them up in the envelope only to immediately open it, then re-seal it in a manner that made it quite obvious it had been once already opened, then he would send it right along for the recipient's benefit.
(I have reason to believe he would also do this verbally.)

One ole reformed burrhead every morning, (weather permitting)
would stick his head out the window to Life and holler –
"Grab your ankles darling -- I'm coming home!"

 

 

Do remember:
The first “News Item” is always the hardest.

 

One fellow looked at his mind in the mirror, then looked at This, then back to his mind, then back to This, and said, "Nawwww, I don't think so, I think too much as it is...." and someone reading this later said that they didn't think he "per-zactly understood what it was all about." (No, not per-zactly, I'd say.)

 

 

When you're not looking for anything in particular,
you can look ANY where.

 

A certain gentleman writes to say that,
"Everyone is part of my mind -- and note, I did not say my mind was part of everyone else; please, for your thinking convenience, do not confuse the two."

 

 

Action can only be analyzed post-op.

 

 

In a land of extremely heavy metaphors, one ole man counted his blessings thusly,
"One, two, three, four..."

 

 

In the reading of his will, it was found that this one guy left the following comment to himself: "Up until the very end, it was indeed my very great pleasure."

 

 

One tried and true, and otherwise reliable correspondent
says he has seen a twenty foot tall man in his back yard.

 

 

One kid told the ole man, "I'll feel satisfied with my life if I know I've at least helped you slay yourself, and burn your fields," and the elder thought, later that day, "I don't believe he was talking about suicide or destruction of property."

 

 

One guy stops by to tell us that he simply doesn't see how it could ever be possible that he could live somewhere new if it wasn't where he was already living.

 

Although I was in a hurry, and didn't have time to stop and investigate further, the other night while cutting through the park I heard, coming from the speaker's area, someone crying out, "Home improvements for the mind, right over here, home improvements for the mind!"

 

 
  J