homepage          THE DAILY NEWS!              email

 

 

To gauge from the looks on their faces and the sound of their voices,
the most fun ordinary men have is in passing judgment.

 

This one chap (with a small "c") persisted in addressing his own thoughts in such unflattering terms that he eventually became unflattered.

 

 

Once he'd been accepted -- (Har har! That's a good 'un -- "accepted"! -- Boy, that's rich Har-de-har-har...Hur-rumph, at any rate) once he'd been "accepted" he stood and said, "The contract seems in order, and the duties of my position appear normal, but I do want to make clear from the outset that I don't do explanations."

 

 

As you near the end of a sequence,
a keen ear can hear thunder in the approaching distance.

 

 

One man said to his proto-type "spring off": "Look, either entertain what I tell you, or ignore it, but don't question me about it, or ask me to repeat it."
and the offspring responded, "Wait, let me get this straight; I shouldn't question you, or make you repeat yourself?"
....and the guy realized that his subscription to "Guns And Family Planning" had expired.

 

 

One kid (apparently getting wise to "telling people") told his kid brother,
"Giving up won't for sure 'wrap it up.'"

 

 

In the continuing attempt to peddle his intellectual vehicles, one guy stuck up a sign at the edge of his "Used Idea Lot" that read, "Buy Here -- Bitch Here."

 

 

Maps to known places
will only TAKE you to known places.

 

 

Concluding what he conceived to be his ultimate meal, the man announced,
"Send Life the bill."

 

As she came off stage, the manager grabbed her and said,
"If you're gonna dance here you gotta take it all off,"
and she said, "But I'm nude already,"
and he said, "Then get nuder."

 

 

Right in the very midst of all the excitement of life, one fellow turned to himself and said, "Take a note..."

 

 

On a certain unfinished planet, a certain writer showed up for an appearance on a televised talk show, and the interviewer began by giving his thoughts on the author's latest work, then followed by repeating what a critic had said about one of his earlier efforts, and finally the author spoke and asked, "You invited me here to interview me, and the interview amounts to you telling me what you and other people have to say about me -- is that right?" The interviewer heard the question, and thought to himself, "No," but for some reason could not ‘say’ "No."

 

 

Today it would seem, only the king doesn't require a corporate slogan.

 

 

During a brief pause in his reading, this one chap turned and said,
"It's becoming pretty obvious to me now that most famous people are more interesting once they're dead." (Well said.)

 

 

 
  J