Another Thing You Can Count On:
Food & Health:

Oh, you can
talk about food, and
talk about health,
talk about food, and
talk about health;

you can
talk about food, and
talk about health,
talk about food, and talk about health.

Thus did the speaker speak to the crowd,
"All of the many different mystical methods devised by man are for the same purpose. Does this come as a surprise
to any of you?"
And many people in the crowd immediately responded by saying, "Huh? We're sorry, but what'd ya say?"

Addendum:
The trouble with booking a good speaker nowadays is that
all of the good ones speak too simply,
and all of the useless ones are too popular.

And a young girl asked her mother, "Are we still more-or-less figurin' that all these stories about speakers addressing some crowd or the other are not actually about external events, but rather about something that took place within the comfort and cozy surroundings of one person's mind?"
And her mom (going along with the gag) turned to the girl and replied, "Huh? Oh, I'm sorry dear, what were you saying?" And then, at that very instant, they heard the threatening sounds of the crowd as they began gathering in front of their house.

What makes this so difficult is that it is so simple or
what makes this sound so simple is that it is so difficult to explain,
or
what makes this sound so vague is that it is so plain and specific,
or
what makes this sometimes seem so obvious is that it is so obscure,
or
you're sure gonna be happily surprised when you finally realize just how plain and simple this actually is!
(Well, notwithstanding its inherently devilishly-tricky nature.)

And This Just In:
"I've been reading your News and you're about to drive me crazy! How much further, you figure, do I have to go?"

And a father so advised his son,
"Never accept a fool's offer of assistance."
And the lad replied, "Even if it's my own?"
And they both rolled in the floor with glee until the neighborhood Serious Patrol began banging on their door.

WEEKEND SUPPLEMENT:
Like many before him, one man, after becoming intimately familiar with the routine workings of his mind, and based on his understanding of the foundation necessary for any alteration of consciousness, decided it would be beneficial to try and hold some specific idea or picture constantly in mind amidst the random, ever-changing ones normally present. He selected (for no world-shaking reason other than its prima facie appropriateness) the image of Buddha.

But like many before him who've attempted such, he quickly discovered that in spite of his best intentions and efforts the mental picture of Buddha was always in competition with some other image for his attention -- with the competing picture prevailing as often as the one of Buddha.

But then this man came up with an extension of this approach, which no records show anyone previously had conceived of. Now realizing clearly how the routine operations of the human mind are dualistically based, and thus there will be, at every given instant, two ideas, words, images simultaneously extant and fighting for momentary supremacy, he decided that, rather than leave his intended mental image of Buddha at the mercy of whatever random, competing picture that might pop up into his mind, he would provide his own wilfully selected second image to go along with Buddha's so that no matter which one of the two gained the upper hand temporarily in his thoughts, he'd still win.

So, rather than leaving this most important effort to chance, he chose (again for no reason other than the fact that he found it enjoyable) a second image to accompany that of Buddha. From that day on, this man, no matter what else might be running
through his thoughts, tried to hold constantly and continually in his mind two images. The first that of Buddha, and the second of women's breasts. And lest you think I went to the trouble of relaying such a lengthy tale to provoke a laugh, I did not. Hidden and obvious therein is a potentially potent weapon and piece of info.

Salt Air Quiz:
Is a sailor concerned whether waves batter his hull from starboard or from port?
Or about finding calm seas?