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ONE HUGE CLOSET
Document: 31, July 15, 1982
Copyright(c) Jan M. Cox, 1982
I have pointed out to you that what are known as human emotions do not actually exist, at least as they are ordinarily conceived and believed to exist. They are a facade; they are a fraud; they are misnamed. Love, or what people call love, is a prime and potent example. Anyone would classify love as positive emotion, something good, something to strive for. But let me point out to you that within what man calls "love" is also that which man calls "hate." Just search your own memory for all the great love stories you have read, the movies you've seen. Every love story is also a story of suffering. If there's no suffering, there's no story. There was not only love, but suffering involved, or there would have been no story. It is always a case of "I love you, and boy am I miserable." I can't resist asking: what kind of love is that?
This is commonly accepted; it's part of the ordinary human drama. But when I put words on it, when I say that ordinary love also contains the destructive Force, that it contains hate, your nervous system says, "No, that can't be true." But it is true. It is not recognized in Life, but each human emotion also contains its own opposite. In order for love to exist, its negative reflection must also simultaneously exist for the energy to be transferred -- that is, for the relationship to exist. This is why I say that what passes for ordinary human emotion is a sham and a fraud.
Real Love does exist, but only above the Line of ordinary consciousness. That is where Life's creative energy is given outlet; that is where the reality of Love resides. That is where you can perceive the dance of the Three Forces in operation, because all Three Forces exist simultaneously above the Line. To get above the Line is to get above everything you now know or feel.
Those who have accidentally touched that area above the Line come back with stories such as, "I suddenly looked around and saw humanity and I loved everyone. Well, that's not exactly it; it was more like I never liked people, and then I realized that was insanity: I had no enemies, I had no complaints, no one was doing anything wrong. I just...loved everybody." What they were in touch with is the creative energy that exists above the Line, where everything exists simultaneously. That is the Love that humanity has always dreamed of. And that is why what passes for ordinary love is a fraud. It is not a sterling, pristine emotion; it is just a part of the ordinary human drama.
Human emotions are, of course, necessary at that level for the continuing, proper transfer of energies. But the pursuit of your own accelerated evolution requires that you distance yourself, that you extract yourself from the ordinary flow of necessary energy. And one immediate way to attempt this is to engage in conscious theatrics. Since I started out talking about emotions, and love in particular, I'll tell you that there's no better arena for your attempt at conscious theatrics than in your current sexual relationship: simply treat your partner, at all times, as if he or she were the epitome of perfection. Treat her as if she could do no wrong; treat him as if he embodied all of your chances for true Vertical growth. Treat your partner as if any damage you inflict on them -- if you made them frown, if you hurt their feelings -- would be fatal to your involvement in This.
For someone truly hungry to pursue This, it is an unbelievably potent method. But notice the ordinary mind's immediate reaction to my scenario: "You don't know him, he snores." "She leaves her clothes lying around. Besides, nobody's perfect." That is the voice of the ordinary human drama. Conscious theatrics is an attempt to reflect the reality that exists above the Line; it is an attempt to imitate the behavior of one who lives above the Line. There, excuses do not exist. The Three Forces exist simultaneously, and nothing has any more weight than anything else. Above the Line, no one has any faults.
The idea that there are Three Forces at work in the world -- the creative, the destructive, and the sustaining -- is an idea that has permeated religions, literature, and philosophy. Such an idea can sound as though it is absolutely arcane and metaphysical. And that is both true and untrue. Once you begin to See, the Forces are right in front of you. They are everywhere. I have told you that, contrary to human perception, nothing in Life ever goes in a straight line. No one ever decides "I'm going to do such-and-such" and proceeds directly from here to there. Life does not work that way. Everything that happens, happens through the confluence of the Forces; to believe that things proceed directly and uninterrupted from point A to point B is to not See. Anything that has life -- including a thought, a desire, an attempt -- must have simultaneous opposition.
Remember, I pointed out that above the Line everything has equal weight. From that vantage point, you can See that aspects of Life which are normally considered despicable and worthy only of eradication are, in fact, not so. Take revenge, for example. From the ordinary viewpoint, vengefulness would be high on the list of undesirable traits -- things that unquestionably seem to be stumbling blocks to one's further development. Almost everyone would agree that "Yes, from a moral or spiritual standpoint, revenge is wrong." But it's not wrong. It's simply part of the ordinary drama. From the viewpoint of This, revenge is, in a sense, no better or worse than ordinary love. It's part of the flow that keeps everything moving.
But let me point out, further, that even from a purely intellectual basis, you cannot get revenge. You can want it, but you cannot get it. It's physically impossible. If someone killed a person dear to you, no matter what you do to the killer, you cannot bring the deceased back to life.
So you could say that revenge is not only repugnant on a spiritual basis, it is also impossible on an intellectual basis. It is patently foolish. But -- it is necessary. It is a prime example of the dance of the Three Forces. If it were not for the existence of opposition -- i.e., revenge -- there would be no movement, no growth. I used revenge as a very simple example in describing this opposition to you, but you can see it everywhere. The ordinary system is made to divide the world into two; into the correct and the incorrect, the proper versus the improper, the good against the evil. There must be opposition, whether it be to a religion, a nationality, an idea, or your individual desire to take a certain course of action. If the hard-wired system conceives of something, it also conceives of that which opposes it.
And the hard-wired system condemns revenge just as quickly, just as mechanically. It says, "We must put an end to such unprofitable instincts, such inhumane emotions. That is one of the things we must eradicate if we are to progress." But notice, humanity has not eradicated revenge, nor will it. Revenge is just a word. In reality, it is energy; it is part of the flow that keeps things moving. And as long as things are moving, they are growing. Thus, revenge cannot be eradicated; it cannot be stopped, even though humanity says "We must stop it." That is part of the growth process. Remember, we are not critics of humanity or Life. It is not that people are dumb or foolish; it is rather that the ordinary system cannot perceive the dance of the Three Forces.
I want to direct your attention to another great example of something which is so obvious the ordinary system never sees it: the simple fact that a seeker always fails. It is only those who find, who succeed. Yet if you look around, it seems that Life worships failures. Think of those who are normally considered to be "giants of human endeavor"; with almost no exception, they were all failures. Those who succeed are very seldom heard of. Stores and libraries are full of books written by "seekers" -- by those who were involved in some apparent system or study -- and those books always sell. But the basis of the books, if you read them correctly, is always "I was so close!" or else "I was on the wrong track -- my whole life has been a waste."
This is not confined to books. There are systems, churches and religions based upon the words of those who did not succeed. There is something in everyone that is attracted to the trials and tribulations of would-be spiritual leaders, martyrs, and people who went awry in their apparent quest for awareness. To follow such systems is tantamount to saying, "I want to be a failure like he was." But the mind cannot hold this awareness for more than a second or two. There is a great fascination, a built-in intrigue within the wiring system of man, associated with those who "nobly tried" but failed. But an attempt is noble only if it succeeds. Anything less is the pursuit of the impossible, which is, of course, the safest pursuit, since it cannot be done. But This is possible. That is why it is never popular; that is why those who have succeeded are not famous. This is for the Few.
For the Few properly attracted to This, there is only one ultimate Aim: it is your own Vertical growth above the Line. This is not to say that you should abandon your hobbies or other activities. On the contrary, I strongly urge you to pursue and develop any of your talents or interests. In fact, your involvement with This may benefit the pursuit. That is, if the pursuit, the hobby, is a reflection of real talent. Whatever your hobby -- whether it is building model airplanes, playing music, or gardening -- if your pleasure and satisfaction is not dependent on the approval of an audience, then you're dealing with real talent, real interest. And This never conflicts with what is real. On the other hand, if it is an imaginary interest, you may well find that the more intense is your involvement in This, the more that interest wanes.
But then, you will not have lost anything of value. The Few who have the possibility of igniting the higher areas of their own nervous system were born with the genetic, physical potential to have become almost anyone in the world. It is a fact that you could have turned out to be almost anyone. But you and the rest of humanity are trapped by, and subject to, the flows of energy your lower system is designed to process and transmit. For instance, below the Line there is no way that you can be truly faithful, that you can wholeheartedly believe, in the religious sense. Any conviction, any Line-Level conviction, carries its own doubt, unless you're part of a fanatical extreme. Remember, doubt is just a word, like revenge or love -- what I'm actually talking about is a flow of energy. As soon as you say, "I have hope, I have belief," you are simultaneously saying, "This won't work." Whatever the Line-Level system conceives contains its own conflict and opposition. And there is nothing that can remove the doubt and contradiction of that level. Nothing will make you completely loving and trusting at Line-Level. The Life-produced system operates the only way it can, and it cannot be changed. The only way to alter its operation would be to shut it down. But if we shut it down, we shut you down, too.
The Line-Level system can't be changed. It can't be converted. A man does not become a woman; a Christian does not become a Jew; an oriental does not become an occidental. Because you cannot truly alter the system at Line-Level. You were activated by Life, without your interference, without your effort. And what Life did for you, through you, cannot be undone. Everyone has internal conflict and opposition. There will always be a piece of your ordinary system that never approves of This. But if you don't immediately get past that, if you don't very quickly learn to ignore it, you are wasting your time. I told you that This will always be in opposition to your normal functioning intellect. That intellect is where doubt resides; that is where you suffer. That is where you cannot See the Three Forces doing their dance. It is only from above the Line that you See the Forces. You See the dance; you See your greatest fears and your greatest hopes with their arms around each other. You See the great love stories and the great atrocities twirling around the dance floor.
This Thing is the attempt to hold the constant flow of energy that is literally "you" and to push it above everything that seems natural and comfortable. It is the constant attempt to push against the very limits of "I", of your own natural internal homeland, by allowing the blood free flow to the upper reaches of your system. And then to simply look. In the beginning, the effort can produce a kind of fear, a sensation of isolation and aloneness. The feeling is a real one, because you're attempting something unnatural. But you should note that it is a controlled separation that you have created, and all you have to do is let go of it. All you have to do is go back to being normal. All you have to do is be human: get mad, be offended, make judgements. Just do that, and you're back to being you. Until you begin to See that what I am talking about is true, it is frightening -- because it goes against everything you know. But when you begin to See -- and not because I say so, but you just begin to See through your own efforts that what I describe is true -- that is the end of your fear.
The fear arises because you have created an unnatural gap; you have interfered with the normal operation of your system with its habitual processing of the predictable energies. You thought it was human conflict; you thought it was human interaction; you thought it was internal contradiction -- the constant sound of desire and opposition. But it's simply the running of Life's energy through the nervous system along predictable patterns and routes.
Someone asked me about the sensation of deja vu, the feeling that you have been somewhere before, even though you know that you have not. You are sitting in a restaurant and you just know a woman in a red dress is going to walk by and sit at a certain table. And sure enough she does. This is not some kind of ordinary short-circuit; and it is not coincidence, because there is no such thing as coincidence. There are unseen connections. These sorts of experiences happen constantly, but it's only every now and then that you can remember it. You could not live with the continuing awareness of the constant repetition of events. You'd spend all your time telling someone, "I knew that was going to happen," or "It happened again!" Then you'd say, "Wait, I knew I was going to say that. I have been here saying that to you before!" There would be no end to it.
Normally you play out your life over and over again every day. You say the same things, you think the same things. You put out a certain kind of energy, and you take in certain other kinds. That is the natural state of you and everyone else, but you are not supposed to See it. All of This is a trick to make a person begin to See what the situation is. No matter what method or task I may give you, the point is to begin to make you See something else. If I tell you to observe yourself twenty-four hours a day, or to try to be aware of your life as you live it -- it is a trick. And if you're properly here, you'll learn something else entirely from the effort. To make such efforts does create the unnatural gap I mentioned. It begins to separate you from your own internal sense of "I", and it does give a certain feeling of isolation. But it is not really frightening, because it is under control. Remember, all you have to do is go back to being good old you, and it's gone.
The ultimate outcome of This is the end of suffering. It will put you in a place where the Three Forces coexist simultaneously, and that will be the end of suffering, because it will be the end of opposition. I can also describe it as a termination of all seriousness. You must try and continually Neuralize -- remember without thinking about it -- what I have just said. Because as far as words can go, that is the ultimate outcome of This. When you begin to get above the Line a little and look down into your ordinary system, you See that you and everyone else are terminally serious. And you find out that nothing is serious, at least not the way you thought it was. You push against everything that seems to be you; you try to become a continual observer of yourself; you try to See what you have never Seen before. You look down at yourself and you See: everything seems so serious down there, but it is not. Try to Neuralize this the next time you feel terminally serious. It is only serious when you are it.
When everything I say makes sense, then we can go off in some other direction. When you get to that point, then you begin to See. I have told you that This is unnatural, that it interferes with the normal flow of energy through your system, and interrupts your automatic sense of "I". When you can See, then you don't need to read books about physiology or brain research. It is all right down inside you, and all you have to do is look. You don't need to look anywhere else.
There is a greater closed system in which we all live. It is as though, literally, all of humanity lives in one big closet, along with everything within the comprehension and experience of humanity: all the planets, stars, rain, sunshine, frogs, rocks, mud, and people; all ideas, both good and bad, all behaviors, both proper and improper, every urge and every opposition to every urge. It's all together in the closet, and the door is closed. Now Consider that throughout the ages man has always had a feeling of alienation, of separation from the rest of creation. And the feeling itself is condemned. It's seen as being detrimental; it's attributed to a flaw in humanity. But it is absolutely necessary; it is part and parcel of man being the outlet for the original energy of Life. That energy goes to the point of turning a rock into a rock or a brick into a brick or a dog into a dog, and then it stops. Man is the only open-ended system on the planet because he is Life's outlet for growth. But here we all are in this big closet. You reach over and try to pick someone else's pocket, and you find your hand is in your own pocket.
You reach out to affect someone else -- you give a tug on your neighbors emotional strings -- and find yourself being tugged upon. Every nervous system has a built-in sense of separation. Every person feels that there is "me," then there's "everything else." Remember my equation: "I + Not-I = Everything." Everyone thinks, "I know what that means. It's the way I've always felt. There's me and then there's everything that's not-me." That may be the way you've always felt, but that's not what the equation means.
The feeling of separation is ordinarily necessary, but it's not true. We're all in the closet. If you throw a rock far enough, it'll hit you in the back of the head. You can pick someone's pocket, but there's nowhere to run with your spoils. Every time you move, you shift the weight of the whole closet, and suddenly it's your pocket that's exposed. Is there no escape?