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LEAPING INTO THE UNACTIVATED SIDE
Document: 65, April 7, 1983
Copyright(c) Jan M. Cox, 1983
You were born, to use common terminology, with a certain kind of consciousness. Ordinary people attempt to describe consciousness in various ways and often confuse it with intelligence or abilities that have simply been learned in Life. You, however, must begin to taste something that is NOT the consciousness you were born with.
Everyone on this planet is conscious to a minimal, Life- driven degree. That is, everyone's nervous system falls within the Line, which on my diagram represents the ordinary level of consciousness.
But you must be able to continually remember that there is a different level that could be called a willful state of consciousness. By willful I mean that through your efforts in This, you See what you have never seen before; you see what can not be seen by consciousness at the ordinary level. You begin to get little glimpses (no matter how fleeting or no matter that you feel you may not yet be able to bring them on) that are not accidental, or attributable to a mysterious external force. When you get a bigger taste of this, you find out that there are ways to more easily produce internal and external conditions that are conducive to bringing on these "glimpses". And you find out that you can maintain such conditions. I have already given you one of the most direct methods for producing such conditions, that of protecting yourself against any hostility. Do not let your nervous system, your own magnetic field, be drawn back into the ordinary scheme of tension.
You have got to listen fast to what I am going to talk about next because it can sound as though I'm talking about nothing but what ordinary people talk about. Except there is a fine distinction -- they only talk about it. Through everything from mythology to philosophy to psychology, ordinary consciousness has painted a very bleak picture of humanity. Religions have also done this, with the apparent distinction of believing in a reward, an afterlife. The gloomy idea that man may indeed be some sort of machine has been woven into all these areas of thought. The feeling is that in some way a great machinery has been put into motion and an individual has no control over his own consciousness or awareness. Philosophy or psychology might say, "It's based upon the way your parents treated you, and you have no control over it," or "Man was born a blank, and he has no control over how the forces of the universe shape him." It sounds as though there is a difference between that and religious ideas. But if you can see it in a certain way, there is no great distinction between that and religious beliefs in predestination -- that you were born and either you will do alright with the gods or else you won't.
So a man could conceive of himself and humanity as being in a position where he can do absolutely nothing. Or on the other hand, he can turn the coin to what seems to be the other side. He could say we are all responsible for what we do: "Forget all this garbage about environmental traumas and demons. A man has got to be responsible for himself, for defining who he is. If a man has no control over any of this, then Life is not worth living -- it's all a dream." These are the two classic alternatives for a man trying to determine what his position is. If I were to ask a crowd of people, "Who votes that man is a machine and nothing can be done?" Half of them would raise their hands. Then if I said, "Who believes that everyone has got to take responsibility for their own personal life?" The other half would say, "Ah, that's got to be true."
You should realize that two sided coins such as this are counterfeit; it is funny money, and of no value to someone attempting This. The proper use of two sided coins is for you to Neuralize them, not to accept either side. To attempt to physically activate higher areas in the nervous system -- to make yourself a long term memory in Life's consciousness, you cannot accept anything in ordinary circulation; and in this case, to embrace either of the ordinary approaches regarding man's position in a larger whole will lead you nowhere.
I have attempted to point your attention to the fact that things operate in a certain manner; I have used such words as "mechanical" and "machinery". But the purpose is always to get you to Consider, in a way that you never have, the reality behind such descriptions as "Things almost seem to run as a living machine." But if we only went as far as that, the other side of the coin would also have to be true. I could take people and say, "Listen there is a reality behind the ideas and dreams that you have had, and something can be done about it. But first off, you must stop all your bad habits. You must immediately be the finest people in the world. You must immediately be responsible." I could, under certain conditions, collect a group of people who would swear allegiance to that. If I continually asked them, "Has everyone stopped all hostility? You are being responsible, aren't you?" They'd respond, "Yeah, and we're much better for it." But this approach would simply be a reinforcement of the kind of groggy stupor that is ordinary consciousness. They would not be in a changed position. And if my activities went no further than that, it would be no different than people going to church to hear music swell, choirs sing, and feel little flutters of angel wings in their heart -- until they walked outside and saw that somebody had dented their new car. You simply must see, without cynicism, that such contradictions are typical, not only in other people, but in you. And the reason is not, "I am a sinner," or that the whole planet is nothing but sinners. And it is not that "there is no chance for getting out of this ordinary state." You cannot get caught up in ordinary pessimism or cynicism. If it were not possible to rise above Line-level consciousness, I would not be here.
To slip back up on you from a different direction -- what seems to be you is not the enemy. If you're to ever see anything, you must stop believing that it is. And then you've got to Neuralize why I say that you've got to stop. Furthermore, I am telling you that you must be responsible. And that includes no longer ever saying, "I am in a mood." I assume you are sophisticated enough that if you wake up in the morning feeling bad, you don't say, "A demon has slipped in my ear," or, "An evil spirit crawled up my 'jammies last night and got me." But that is the same as waking up and saying "I'm in a mood". It is the same as thinking, "This is me; because I've felt like this before. I know it's me. In fact, I know that the whole day is going to be crappy." The responsibility that you must feel is to see what it is that you are attempting to take responsibility for -- that is the difference between truly approaching a state of activated higher circuitry and just saying "Well, I'll be responsible from now on."
Taking responsibility sounds to ordinary consciousness like your mother or father saying, "Listen you're a big boy or girl now and I'm going to hold you responsible. You can't keep telling me that the fairies came and broke your brother's wagon. I know who broke it. You know who broke it. Quit trying to hide it. Be responsible." No one at the ordinary level knows what he's supposed to be responsible for. It is somewhat like the whole world saying, "Well, sure I've got bad habits," as opposed to what you've got to see: "I" is the bad habit." Ordinary people attempt to operate on the basis that, "I have unprofitable moods." The nervous system is not listening in the right place. "Ah, bad habits. Well there is the area to work on." And it is not. They are focusing on the wrong end of the sentence -- it is not that, "I have bad habits," but that "I AM a bad habit." Yet not in the sense that this thing that seems to be "I" is no good. What seems to be "I" is simply the level of consciousness wherein the only thing that can be comprehended is the sensation, the electrochemical charge, that culminates in the feeling of "I". That feeling of being stuck with "I", is the bad habit. It is as if you were born and lived your whole life in a car. The ordinary person complains about the car: "It is not the latest model; the transmission makes too much noise; the ashtrays are full; the windows won't roll up." But the real problem, the only problem is being trapped in the car. The problem is being trapped in a level of consciousness where "I" is always right in the center of everything.
There is a way in which you can start to take responsibility for what you do. The time spent doing This Thing begins to have a certain effect. In one sense it begins to push ordinary consciousness out laterally. Simultaneously, you're pushing up against the ceiling of consciousness; you're discovering life beyond the present confines of "I", above the Line of ordinary consciousness. There are always a few people on this planet whose system was not completely sealed by the Line; they alone have the potential to experience a kind of feeling of responsibility. And the feeling is a great relief.
Observe that under the non-ordinary conditions of This you can do things that you could not ordinarily do. You can smile at people for whom you felt an initial dislike. And soon all of you must, as best you can, grab yourself around the ankles and do the impossible. Attempt to push the nervous system up higher. Try to actually feel the possibility of becoming responsible. It is a new form of understanding, remember. It has nothing to do with personality, or with what now calls and feels itself to be "I". There is no little person inside that can be manipulated, analyzed, or rehabilitated. There is nothing stable inside you. You must begin to See that the limited sensation of "I" -- the "I" at the beginning of the sentence "I have bad habits," -- IS the bad habit. You have got to find that there is a way in which you can be conscious outside of that limited sensation, outside of that staring stupor. There you find that what seems to be you is not your misguided enemy; it is neither demon nor god, friend nor foe. It is simply limited circuitry. And when you attempt to look at it in a particular way, when you take the energy out of the mechanical motion of the Circuitry, it almost instantly stops.
Through your glimpses you find that you have led the same life in all the Circuits over and over and over. And during these moments -- as much as I hate to put words on it -- you sense great relief and astonishment and you realize that, right then, you are conscious in a way that you are not ordinarily. It is the feeling that, "Almost everything that seems to support my ordinary complaints, problems and ways I deal with Life, is gone." The difference between this and your ordinary condition is the difference between being alive and alert in all circuits, or being in a groggy, staring stupor. You should be able to feel that stupor, because it is in you and it is all around you. It is a trapped look -- the eyelids half closed and the jaw slack. But the look is simply a reflection. It reveals that there is almost nothing going on in the higher Circuits. It does not simply mean that people are ignorant, although ignorance in various forms is an aspect of Line-level consciousness. Yet you realize that education is not going to help. Within you, regardless of your level of experience or education, you have this stuporous state. It is the blank look of a ditch digger standing propped against his shovel. He has run out of ditches to dig and the foreman is not there to tell him what to do next. He has no idea what to do next and it is not his job to figure out what to do. He just leans against his shovel in a kind of blank stupor. In his upper levels there is almost nobody home. His higher circuitry is running on the minimum wattage. It's the condition of everyone at the ordinary level -- including you when you're making no real effort -- but it goes under many names. It's called everything from being "lost in thought" to righteous indignation. "What absolutely unjust conditions there are on this planet! There are fools in religion and rich fools letting others starve. And they all talk about progress. Give me a break." To be caught in that is the same as being caught in a staring stupor.
Part of your responsibility in This is to seek a certain kind of continual stimulation. It is a stimulation you can effect by physically not staring. The part of you that can see the staring is the very part, the weak spot, that drew you to This. It is the one chance you have to expand. It is the one place you should keep stimulated. And it is the one place where you begin to feel responsibility.
I have told you that once you get -- from not staring -- a certain feeling that you're almost not in the state of ordinary consciousness, you must protect it. Don't settle for an evening of television or call somebody who is going to whine and complain. I've told you that you must find ways to protect that state. Now I'm telling you that you must not only protect it, but increase it. Willfully stimulate it. Even if your efforts do not appear to be immediately directed toward producing an immediate state of higher circuit activation, you can keep that one spot, the weak spot, stimulated. It's the place where you can attempt to not stare; it's the highest possible ordinary point of consciousness you have. That spot keeps you in This. Everyone wants to know, "How can I progress faster in This?" How can I produce more moments of extraordinary glimpses?" The answer is: keep that thing stimulated. Do not fall into a stupor -- whether it's a slack jawed condition or righteous indignation or even a hysterically cheery m-o-o-d. The only way you can feel responsibility is outside that level of consciousness.
The only way you can take responsibility is to objectively know it is possible. And only someone in This can know. Ordinary people attempt to take responsibility -- "Well, I need more money, so I'll work two jobs. I'm going to be responsible. I'll cut down on eating because I am overweight. I drink too much. Am I a man or some kind of worm? I'll simply quit drinking." At the ordinary level, nothing will happen. And one's no better off to adopt the flip side of the coin: "Well, it's hopeless. There's nothing I can do, the weight of the universe is against me. The circumstances are such that I cannot overcome them." That is the same thing as attempting to be responsible in an ordinary fashion, because both attempts are based on the same fallacious assumption, the belief that "'I' am in here" -- whether it be in the form of "I am helpless" or "I have got to take responsibility." They both start off with an illusion. They are both based on, at best, only two thirds of the necessary information. You must strive to keep that highest place in your Circuitry stimulated. There is no wrong way to do it.
In conjunction with your attempts to Neuralize what Neuralize means, you should be continually compiling what amounts to an open ended dictionary. I have not changed the subject -- I am still talking about the necessary, willful stimulation of the weak spot, of keeping some current going to that particular place in your Circuitry. You should be struck by hearing words and ideas out in the ordinary world. Someone says -- just to make up an example -- "People have got to go back and revive religious conscience." And the word "conscience" hits you. The person saying it has no idea what he's talking about. No one at the ordinary level knows what they're talking about, whether it be the leader of a country or a religion, your mother or your neighbor... "Conscience" means nothing to them. They can attempt to describe the word with other words, but statements using the word "conscience" mean nothing. Knowing that humanity does not seem to be overcome with conscience, Neuralize -- not in words as I have to do here -- what purpose is served by the concept of conscience. What use is Life making of the words mouthed by man? What use is Life making of the idea given form in the mind of man? What is the possible reality behind it? What need is there in the Life-of-Life for humanity to develop this idea that we have a conscience? What makes people say, "Oh, conscience. Yes, indeed." Look at it any possible way you can. If you're Neuralizing, there's no wrong way to look at it. You're not looking to poke holes in someone's idea of conscience, or to argue with somebody's definition -- Neuralizing is far beyond all of that.
Once you find out how to do it, you'll be absolutely delighted. Because then you don't have to read anymore...you don't have to watch television...you don't have to do anything. You'll realize why I've said it was foolish for people to try to find out where past commentators of This disappeared to for a number of years. "Where did he go learn everything? He went off and got all that information from some book or person somewhere and wouldn't admit it. Where did he go?" He didn't go anywhere. There IS nowhere to go.
You should compile a kind of dictionary, but it should be open-ended. It should have no periods. When you begin to taste what Neuralizing is, you'll know what I'm talking about. You won't need anyone to tell you what is proper fodder for your dictionary. In considering the word "conscience", for example something just comes to you that nobody ever told you. A connection you've never seen, heard, or read suddenly becomes apparent. Out of the corner of your eye you get a glimpse of an aspect and you know it is as true as anything. I am not favoring the word "conscience" -- that's just one word. Any word is worth Neuralization -- "love", "friendship", "goodness", "effort", "ability", "determination". Of course, some words do open up more possibilities -- like "conscience", as opposed to words like "anvil". Those words that seem to address some unique area in human Life hold more possibilities. A definition of "considering", of Neuralizing, could be the attempt to compile a never ending -- having no periods -- dictionary. The attempt is tied directly to willfully keeping that one part of yourself stimulated. Everything that I have told you not to do is a backhanded approach to stimulating it. You cannot be ordinarily angry and keep that place stimulated. You cannot be drunk, you can't be on drugs; and do it. You cannot be involved in the serious exchange of counterfeit currency, you can't be engaged in ordinary emotions. Everything you've always heard about is true -- you cannot be mad, greedy, vengeful, etc. All the things proscribed by religions are correct. But that's all religions can do -- talk about it.
You can keep this place stimulated by not putting periods on anything, by not accepting whatever currency is in circulation. Even if the currency is verbal and you have only a minimal Yellow .paCircuit connection, or interest, you can internally refuse to be engaged.
To be conscious OF something is to stare: it is being unilaterally conscious. Simply being conscious, however, is a whole different thing. You should continually attempt to let your consciousness scan -- do not stare internally. In conjunction with that, let me describe the following. There is internally within you (and everyone) all of your angels -- which seems to be your consciousness -- and also, all of your demons.
You can't drive out the demons without killing the angels. You cannot make everyone good, or turn what seems to be the bad part into the good part. You cannot take what people call the "unconscious" side and somehow bring it into consciousness. It would make an ordinary person explode. Now picture workers putting up the skeleton of a building. They walk across narrow pieces of steel, run up and down, and hop over cross beams. In a sense, when I talk about the continual stimulation of that certain place in your circuitry, it is like being a beam walker inside the Circuitry. You can do it laterally within the framework of the Circuitry -- skip around through that skeleton. You must, of course, skip around through the unactivated side as well -- because you've been wandering around in just the activated side all your life. You can jump across as though this whole thing were just a skeleton of a building. And you can do death defying feats. But you have got to be able to learn how to roam everywhere in there. There cannot be an unactivated side, because you'll always trip, you'll always run into an upright beam. You will skip along trying to Consider something and you'll run right into a dead end. Of course the system does not even think about it in that way. It does not even tell you, "That's not true", or that it disagrees, necessarily. When the energy hits that wall, the process of Considering just simply stops.
The unactivated side is not full of suppressed or forgotten memories. People do not forget. You remember everything that is necessary to keep your system stable. That's all the history of man is -- a record of everything necessary to keep humanity stable. Man can't record everything that has happened. As you may know, there are academic arguments about lost histories or civilizations -- someone somewhere talked to some Indian who told them that up in the mountains in a particular area on the other side of the world there was a superior civilization thousands of years ago that was in touch with Venus... All of the history of humanity that's necessary to keep things stable, to maintain the feeling of continuity from the past -- it is all remembered. It's not even relevant whether the ideas of "lost continents" or "lost civilizations" are true or not, because nothing is missing. If something is not written down, if no one remembers it, it is proof of one thing. To someone in This it is proof of the obvious -- that particular memory is no longer necessary for the growth and stability of Life.
In the same way, there is no such thing as "suppressed memories." You remember absolutely everything that's necessary to keep your Circuitry stable. Your ignorance of this unactivated area, where I'm saying information and experience resides that you're not conscious of, is not because in some way the information has been suppressed. This dark area is the anti-matter. It is the resisting force of the activated side. That is why ordinary consciousness cannot deal with it. The dark area does not contain something so painful you can't deal with it, so you suppressed it. Your system can't describe it, but I'm describing it for you. According to your system every truth, every opinion, everything that activates you, your very life force, is negated over there. If you wandered over there you wouldn't know who you were when you woke up in the morning. You would be a person with no opinions and no thoughts. You would be a blob. But, your system cannot analyze it in that way.
To help keep that particular place -- the spark that brought you to This -- activated, you must be able to roam everywhere laterally. That is part of the method of keeping that particular place stimulated. You cannot stay in the already activated side and ever be more than you are now. You remember my story about the gods coming down to finally tell humanity "the truth". They would realize, "Well if we tell man the truth, that is, if we complete everyone's consciousness, if we activate everything -- we would kill everybody instantly. All we would have is a big old heap of rotting flesh in the sun." And on the other hand, if the gods did come down and tell man, "My children, the secret truth is this: "We are love," everyone would go, "I knew it." And that would simply be a reinforcement of the activated side. It would accomplish nothing.
You must willfully throw yourself into the unactivated side. You must try to Neuralize that which is inconceivable. Consider that which your activated side violently disagrees with. Roam about, skip like a ballet dancer jumping from beam to beam. There is a skeletal structure to the wiring of the Circuitry and you can leap to places you have no business going. You can go places that the activated side would never have gone to. Either you do that, right now, or else stay in your ordinary level of stupor.
The particular place you need to keep stimulated does not have upright beams; it is a place that does not stop. It does not accept any answer; it does not talk. Whenever you think you hear it talking, it's proof that you are no longer keeping that spot stimulated. All that has happened is that the energy has been dragged back to your activated side where it's supposed to be. There is an absolute physical magnetic field there.
Let me point out that some ordinary people develop mental disorders where they seem to fall off a "mental edge" -- they hear voices, they begin to believe that they are someone else. It is not absolutely similar, but it is like their boundary between the activated and unactivated sides has been loosened (though not through any willful attempt on their part.) You can't of course, by any definition say these people are better off, even on an ordinary level. It is often described by ordinary people as someone's personality disintegrating. "I used to know Fred. And now I go visit him in the hospital and its like his personality is stretched out of shape or coming apart. The things he used to consider important, he never talks about anymore. And sometimes when I say 'Hey Fred', he goes, 'That's not my name.'" The difference between that and doing This is willfully leaping into the unactivated side, attempting to eventually transcend both sides. It is not that one side is right and one wrong or all the information and opinions in one area are correct and those in the other area are incorrect. What you're aiming to do is eventually get above both sides. Lateral expansion alone won't activate your system above the Line. If the gods could tell everybody what they want to hear, it would light up both areas. And it would put the whole world on a funny farm. That would be expansion without a Vertical ascent. But as you willfully keep the energy going up, it also expands laterally. And when you willfully expand laterally, it helps the energy to go up. You can roam laterally; you can keep that particular place stimulated by never stopping.
Now let me bring up something in connection with being responsible. You have no excuse for falling into ordinary hostile behavior, even if it is just for a moment. Someone in This cannot feel like, "I relaxed my guard just for a moment and this enemy -- my stupidity, my personality -- just took over." That is not a valid excuse. That is no longer even a valid observation. No demon took over. No weakness took over. There is no excuse whatsoever. All that happened is what ordinarily happens within your side of activated consciousness. And that is not acceptable. Once you have your own personal taste that there is nothing solid in yourself, it is no longer acceptable to say, "My personality made me do it," or, "How could I have done that?" "I" did not do that. That is an excuse once you See it. And it is an unavailable excuse.
Your ordinary internal workings, your excuses, do not stop instantaneously. But I can point them out to you and once you see them you begin to have no excuses. You begin to be responsible.
But you are not instantaneously, finally, and forever responsible and alert. Things you've Seen seem to suddenly disappear -- you fall back below the Line. You struggle to remember my maps or my words, you attempt to recite a litany: "I know I'm nothing but a reactionary nervous system, and it is not a "me" in here that is upset and mad. I know it. I know it. I know it." In other words, you do whatever you can. What is NOT tolerable is for you to fall below the Line and continue to feel and believe, "I am in a bad mood." "I'm just ordinary." "I have a very aggressive personality and I've been dealing with it all my life. It's one of my bad habits."
The mechanism that keeps you apparently you has its own ways of keeping your Circuitry stupefied. They are sustaining forces to what seems to be your personality. They could be a particularly repetitious daydream, a certain continuing fear, a constant worry. It is of no importance WHAT they are -- they all act in direct conflict with keeping that one unnatural place in your Circuitry stimulated. You can't keep that place stimulated and be involved with the ordinary stupefying personal areas of Line-level consciousness. Once you begin to See these stabilizing mechanisms for what they are, you realize that all approaches and attitudes like, "How did I get this way?", "I'm sorry," "I didn't mean to get so carried away," or, "I have bad habits," are excuses. Once you see that the "I" that says, "I didn't mean to do that" is the bad habit, the excuse is no longer tolerable. In this way, you begin to sense the possibility of control for the first time in your life. It is not, however, the control ordinary people dream of: "I'm going to change the world," or, "I'm going to have control over the environment." It is a kind of control that renders excuses intolerable.
Life's gigantic Grid is nothing but a magnetic field. You're always magnetically pulled one way or another. You're always affected, if you're stuck in the magnetized stupor of Line-level consciousness. Line-level consciousness is itself a bad mood.
You have got to see that you can be responsible -- that you can no longer accept any excuse. Simultaneously, you no longer have any need to hear the excuses of others. They might as well be blowing their nose -- their statement is irrelevant to someone in This because they are saying "I" and they have no I. You must realize that all excuses are only good for other people. And everyone, the whole world, always has an excuse. The whole world IS an excuse. But there is one person who can no longer have an excuse. And that is somebody who gets a glimpse of what "I" is.
If you are attempting to be non-ordinary, not only do you have nothing to hide, but you can't even feel like there is anything to hide. So anytime you find your Circuitry talking about something and there is the instantaneous feeling that it should be hidden, that "I could never let anyone know that I'm thinking such a thing," you are ordinary. If you have any feeling that, "I've got something to hide," you are ordinary. There is nothing to hide...even though everyone at the ordinary level feels as though there is a great deal that "not only I AM hiding, but SHOULD be hidden. It would be horrible if this information got out." And it is out. It's everywhere. It's just not out to you -- it's over in your unactivated side. Any feelings of "those terrible things" -- and it's not just one or two things that you may think you have -- are ordinary. Because above Line level, you've got nothing to hide.
I want to bring up briefly a question you may have about substances affecting the nervous system. Alcohol and certain drugs can act as a chemical carrier allowing electrical energy to jump over to non-activated areas (of course not with any profit as far as This is concerned). Everything, in a sense affects the nervous system. Music, spices, cigarettes affect the nervous system, but not in the same way alcohol and certain drugs do. They don't operate in the same fashion. The nervous system can be stimulated in all sorts of ways through ordinary methods, and it is proper for you to Neuralize such as that.
Now before I close, let me go over a few of the words I have been using. Right now when I use the word "absolutely" it does not conflict with what you would think "absolutely" means on the ordinary level. But on the ordinary level someone would regard it as, "In here, in me, what is my reality is true absolutely." That's as much as an ordinary man can comprehend. But "absolutely" means everything that's absolutely true and everything that's not absolutely true. Plus it means everything that's absolutely false.
When I use the word "alert", I am generally speaking of having the highest end of the nervous system stimulated wherein you are not in the ordinary stupor. I use it almost synonymously with being as non-ordinary as you can be.
You shouldn't associate my word "Neuralize" with ordinary words, such as "intuition". That is not the proper way in which to consider it. Just keep in mind for the time being, my definition of remembering something without thinking about it.
"Profit" is simply that which is beneficial to one attempting to activate his nervous system above the ordinary level. Everything within your activated side is unprofitable, as is everything within your unactivated area. But this is one case where, within This, you can put two losses together and make a gain.