Certain Numbers

In certain places,
certain numbers
make certain people
uneasy.

 

 

One guy, invited to say a few words, stayed for dinner.  Another guy, invited to dinner, lingered all year.  And another guy, given the keys to the house – sold the sucker.

 

 

There’s another funny place where the final score is not based on the way the game was played, but on the way it was scored.

 

 

“Hello, hello, this is a voice speaking.  Can anyone hear me?” Now isn’t that silly?  Why would any voice speak if no one could hear it?

 

 

If you don’t roll-with-the-flow, you can die-with-the-dialogue.

J.

Too Late!

Over on this one planet, anything that can be said of reality, is also not true.

 

 

We dream of pluralities, but marry monoliths.

 

 

Just before
it’s too late,
it’s too early
again.

 

 

One guy said that the way to cover up for a bad memory is to pretend you weren’t interested. And someone else said they thought that was the cause of a bad memory.  And the first guy said, “Ah, never mind, just forget it.”

 

 

A certain scientist now says that he’s pretty sure there’s an unrecognized force in the universe that causes things on some planets to seem disjointed and fragmented.

J.

Every Map

The story is told that there was this one fellow, who finally turned on the past with a vengeance.

 

 

On that curious looking planet over there, what people think they said is what they actually said.

 

 

“It’s pretty complicated in here.”

“It’s pretty complicated out here.”

“Wanna swap places?”

“Would it help?”

“If I knew that, I wouldn’t be in here.”

 

 

One guy said how good he felt having an insurance policy, and a second noted that the company was out of business and that the policy was probably invalid.  “No matter,” replied the first, “I still feel better having it.”

 

 

Every map
is now
out of date.

J.

You Can Read About It Later

Why put up with people, you gotta “put up with?”

 

 

There’s not much an out-going ruler can do for you, and little an in-coming one wants to.

 

 

One voice said, “Hey, we don’t have to take this.”

And another replied, “Yes you do.”

And the first one said, “Hey, you don’t count, you’re the same voice.”

 

 

The rallying cry of this one planet was, “We don’t need no rallying cry.”

 

 

Ah, don’t worry, you can read about it later.

J.

Belief Systems

One thing about belief systems – they’re all user-hungry.

 

 

Over on this other planet, they found a guy who told his own nervous system, “Listen, if you’re gonna get mad, do it fast and do it hard, then, even faster – forget it.

 

 

One chap’s advice is, if you’re going to repeat yourself, at least act like you didn’t notice.

 

 

In this other area I once visited, what is said about art is of no significance, and what is said about music is of very little.  What is said about all other subjects falls somewhere in-between.

 

 

Traveled through this one spot where they weren’t allowed to say, “The more you buy, the more you save,” but one guy wasn’t satisfied and wanted them to prohibit people from believing it.

J.

Adjectives

The triumph of the pen over the sword may be just a metaphor, but on one planet, metaphors triumph over reality.

 

 

If they’re right that “talk is cheap,” then I’ll tell you this – it shouldn’t be.

 

 

If you’re going to stoop low enough to accept an award, at least be sure it’s a “prestigious award”.

 

 

When in doubt,
pour on adjectives.

 

 

A man on a ladder, has no problems.

J.

First Responders

One creature once told me, “If life’s a party, how come no one’s dancing?”  I couldn’t hear the rest of his comments, for just then he took a big dip.

 

 

The ability
to get there first
is really
all you need.

 

 

In this life, it’s sometimes tricky to know what you’re doing, even if you know what you’re doing.

 

 

On planet X was this guy who knew about things on planet A, but since no one cared much about things on the other world, they never knew how much the guy knew.

 

 

When you’re out of town, always shout out, “Spare no expense!”

J.

Monday Monday

I know this place where you’re not allowed to say that.

 

 

When all is said and done, some people still won’t accept it.

 

 

One guy theorizes that things could be arranged so that increased need equaled increased deeds.

 

 

On this one planet, early every Monday morning, all of the creatures would gather and sing, in a surprising voice, “Well, I’ll be damned!”

 

 

“Listen,” a voice cautioned, “this is an ongoing investigation.”

J.

For Best Results...

For best results,
continue to take
until there is
no more.

 

 

There was this one place, where people’s main source of nutriment, was yawning.

 

 

At the swearing-in ceremony, only one man seriously swore to “do his duty,” and he was the one without one.

 

 

Over at this one place,
everyone is in arrears.

 

 

The time between the itch and the scratch is always open to the two percent discount for early payment.

J.

Up to Date

To be
“up to date,”
ain’t saying much
nowadays.

 

 

One guy, while noting that, ”Everybody wants to be Somebody,” sez he’s not so sure there’s enough to go around.

 

 

Regardless of your fears, I can assure you that many tests are easily flunked.

 

 

One advised, “Don’t cry unless you’ve got something in your eye.”  And the other one replied, “And why do you think anyone would cry unless there as something foreign and irritating in their I?”  And the first voice said, “Cute, real cute.”

 

 

Don’t shop for bespoke intelligence in WalMart’s haberdashery.

J.

At the Border

Heard this other guy say, “Stuff the social scene!” He said all he cared about was whether LIFE left him behind or not.

 

 

We ARE
in Life’s
best interests.

 

 

In what place is intelligence actually capable of saying what "intelligence" is actually capable of?

 

 

People are more inclined to be distracted at the border.

 

 

In a land with no premise, many things are possible.

J.

One Word

Things
can almost
be as lazy
as you are.

 

 

There is a sovereignty to silence…but it can be overthrown by one word.

 

 

One guy says that he has succeeded in covering some of his voices…”For what,” he says , “is not the point.”

 

 

“Get’s dark early around here, doesn’t it?”

“Only when noticed.”

 

 

(There are still several things I haven’t mentioned…)

J.

On Broadway...(Holiday Edition)

She looked up, then looked up at him, and said, “Just think, can’t you imagine it? – A world without adjectives.”

 

 

Statement:
Everything
is ultimately
ironic.

Question:
How to salvage
this statement?

 

 

“Hey,” he shouted, “You’re standing awfully close to desire.”

 

 

Up over there, one guy said, “If it ain’t human, it can’t be offensive.”

 

 

So long as the sun warms your Broadway, rest assured, the play doctor’s in.

J.

Official Announcement

Arriving late, I only heard the last piece of the Official Announcement, which was…”so as to better assure that the people will not be misled.”

 

 

This one guy used to say, “It kinda makes you wonder.”  And after he was shipped to another world, he still said the same thing.

 

 

No premise,
no opposition.

 

 

A gun-slinger with a traveling companion is already half dead.

 

 

One guy’s brother claims that, to study history, you “gotta be aggressive.”

J.