Monkey Day Monday

On the rare days when he would not get runnin’ drunk, bang his car, bruise his body, and be a general calamity, this one chap would reward himself with a dozen or more good shots.


One man said he knew his fame and reputation was in question when the annual edition of, “This Year’s Most Memorable Quotes Of Our Illustrious People,” had as his entry the words, “Good bye.”


One state decreed that henceforth there would be two classes of facts: The first would be all of those facts that were irrelevant; and the second would consist of all the facts that referred to the first set.


The welcoming banner above the archway read, “Dead Men Stalk The Battlefield,” and this one man mis-read and instead of “battlefield” he thought it said “brain cells.”


As his Monkey Day Graduation Gift, this one ole man gave his kid the following sentence, free and clear:  “I am no less impressed with you now than I was originally.”  (As he departed in the tourist section of a warm, puzzled glow the lad waved to someone.)