notes on Jan Cox Talk # 2684


Audio of Jan Cox 16th May 2001

Copyright Jan Cox, Jan’s legacy 2014

Notes by Cfish of MP3 audio  June 2014


Suggested Title: Scrapping the Self Criticism of Being Asleep  (Its Beyond Belief)


Begin: My civilian news tonight is there is an advertising campaign for a phone service where the high class advertisers (Madison Ave. etc. probably doing high class drugs-not Alabama street drugs) are pushing their phone service on the basis that talk is creative. The advertisers are thinking “How can we get them to buy more?”  


We all know its Life doing it, but still, “What’s the point in pulling a con on yourself?”  Last time I mentioned an email correspondence from someone intelligent enough that I responded back. We exchanged several emails and I would respond with “Do you notice so and so?”  And she would respond that I misunderstood or it did not apply to her.  


I then emailed her a “by the way - do you notice your responses to me are always responses “that I misunderstood or that it did not apply to her.” and I look forward to to how your next rejection will take place."  She emailed me back and said “well - I guess you boxed me in.”   It was a compliment. 


Her attitude was if I am boxed in “What can you do?’’   And there in those few words are two whole new schools of awakening.  And there are always two views of the same thing.  Boxing yourself in from our view is “you are trying to change your state of mind. " 


05:00   Every form of self criticism is an attempt to "box yourself in."   Instead of blanket statements I am trying to get you folks to consider on your own, “Is there any form of worthwhile criticism?”  Past a certain point in the road (and its not true until that certain point in the road) the most efficient question is to question the fact which seems to be the most unquestionable.


And if you folks are still showing up and listening you are far enough along.  Past a certain point in the road self criticism serves no purpose and can begin to be detrimental.  (meaning a waste of time.)  Its the illusion of doing something.  (ex. Yeah I may not be awake or continually alert but I am on the case ) 


Its not just a waste of time because you can waste time without trying to wake up.  Its the feeling I am doing something.  Being pretentious, stumbling, or myopic are examples that you may not be awake and you may be more alert to it and all that sounds fine until you think about it.


But once past that certain bend in the road - once you see it - its the nail that keeps a man’s foot in a certain place.  (You believe you are making useful effort.)  Questions about life after death and why there is only one shoe in the road are not the questions.  The real question is “self criticism - what the hell you doing?”  


10:00  No one would do anything (ex lose weight etc.)  unless they were involved in self criticism.  That is self evident.  But people die without questioning “self criticism.”   Most people do not get past the self criticism bend in the road.  There is the “boxing in” of oneself.  Self criticism is not metaphysical.


When someone says “yeah I’m not awake but I am more alert to it”  that is all mental.  Its not behavior.  Past the certain point in the road ( I am distracted and I don’t like it internally which is self criticism) you do not know why you are asleep.  


15:00  You do not know if you are asleep.  Its a sleeping person telling you - you are asleep.  The only reason  any of us here and on tape could laugh at that is because it’s not funny at all.   If you take on the questions of “Self Criticism” (its verbally limited) “Where did it come from?  “Is there such a thing and does it serve some purpose?”  


Self criticism is at the heart of all this.  In our case we are trying to do better or change in a mental way.  Instead of losing body fat (behavior) we are trying to lose intellectual blubber. (distracted  etc.)  In a sense somebody losing their intended weight comes closer to waking up.   Even if they never heard of “being asleep”     


Working on waking up past a certain point in the road - well - you understand it less when you “believe” you understand it more.  Pressing on in a certain manner and never stopping and turning around and looking at what you “think” you are doing.  I can look at you and see me and its self evident.


20:00  You still believe you are asleep but you do not know what it means.  Forget being awake.  You do not know what being awake means either.  My major breakthrough was when I realized I did not know what being asleep was.  And I even wrote and talked about knowing what being asleep was.


I realized that the prevailing view of folks like us was knowing the problem (being asleep) but not knowing the solution.  Communes, monasteries, work groups throughout history and right now - their goal is waking up or enlightenment.  And I give them credit not one of them would say they are awake.


Some may hedge it and say I am not awake all the time.  But no one would say the are permanently awake unless they are insane.  Folks involved with this do not fully understand the goal though some may have had the “experience” of waking up.


25:00  Folks like us believe we understand what being asleep is.  But believing you are asleep is believing you recognize the aroma of being asleep.  Do not blame anyone for the term asleep.  It has to be called something.  You could call it state X and state Y.  We don’t like state X and we want state Y.


There is no escape from this feeling that you know and recognize the manifestations of being asleep.  There is no way to know if you are asleep (whatever that is) and there is the crack.  Its a sleeping person telling you you are asleep.  I am not saying you are asleep or not.  I’m just saying there is no way to know if you are or not.


30:00  The other view is I can’t be boxed in because I am the box and I am the in.  Both have the same results.  Its all in the head.  And to believe you can get outside the box is reinforcing the box.  You feel like you are doing something and you are actually doing the opposite.  (Believing you can get outside the box)


The overall suggestion is (I do it myself) is to try to scrap self criticism.  Don’t deny or resist self criticism.  Its a mental thing.  Its possible to resist food (self criticism- self improvement) but its not possible to resist being asleep.  Its logical to resist being asleep but  its not possible to resist it or not to resist it.  


35{00  Scrap everything you know about this.  (Fuck them and Fuck me)  If you defend yourself - your done for.  If you don’t defend yourself - your done for.  To stop any action (In our case our mind being stumbling, asleep, pretentious, and myopic) you have to take action.  You can’t wish it away.


This represents a small problem.  You do not know what the opposite of self criticism is.  The opposite of self criticism is …….