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Summary by TK
Jan Cox Talk 104, Apr 12, 1984, runtime 1:30
"Thinking about things" is always one leg of a triad. "Things" themselves are not a leg of a triad. Although the "voices" are useless for doing This Thing--you should not ignore their significance--that they go on. ]
[In the time frame of your ordinary perception you cannot see one force turn into another, whereas this does in fact happen in reality. Perception "blinks"--chops up reality, fragments it.]
[How to "force" an expansion of timeframe of perception/consciousness: don't play your required part in a preordained triad. e.g. withhold anger or any other natural immediate response to a given circumstance.]
["Resistance to a lie (unjust accusation, emotional attack) proves its truth" i.e. makes it true. When you furnish D force, a triad is created. When you respond as your nervous system dictates, a 'fact' is created and now lives. You are now involved, caught up in it—in what is useless for This Thing. ]
[Humility--don't "sign your name" to your works. You must be Unknown to do This Thing. There is a physical reality to Humility. But it is not at all what is ordinarily thought of as humility.]
[Considering—you can "work" on a specific problem without making plans and without thinking. A higher level of Considering--making that "Ah ha!" middle of the night insight/solution actively work to your advantage. Force a triad to change to your advantage.]
[Never admit that Life has any power over you and what you understand--because it doesn't (in spite of the fact that Life has absolute power in the grid). Must use the BTAIM theory (Be That As It May) until you understand this.]
[Considering: a way of "juggling" yourself. Flypaper analogy--once you pull free "there's no place to stand and no place to land" (that's not fly paper) so when you juggle yourself you just never come down until something other than flypaper is visible on the horizon. Yellow circuit activity is grounding.]
[RULE: First thing in the morning upon awakening—Be happy. Smile. Say a friendly word. Be cheerful…even if it kills you!
TASK: Write down your own definitions beginning with "Sleep is..."
Document: 104, April 12, 1984
Copyright (c) Jan M. Cox, 1984
Since this subject frequently comes up, I want to briefly mention something about the matter of "personal problems." Many people, when first exposed to This Activity, believe that in some way there is going to be a discussion, or confessional process concerning what they perceive to be their problems. By now all of you should have seen how fruitless such a conversation would be. You should have had at least a small glimpse that if you were left to your own devices, listening to the voices extant in you talking about your problems, it would lead to naught. Under ordinary conditions, all it would lead to is a reinforcement of, "Yes, I do have these particular problems." I completely understand that there are all kinds of feelings, fears, expectations, and discouragements that go on for a length of time for someone pursuing This, and I know that they appear to be quite serious and important. But, by-and-large, these personal struggles are meaningless. They are not much more significant than the size of your nose, or your economic background.
Another aspect of This that people frequently misconstrue is my descriptions of Man's ordinary condition. This is not a critique of Man, or of Life. Nothing is broken; everything is operating just as it should be; nothing is wrong. You must take the things I say regarding Man's ordinary condition of awareness in a positive manner, rather than a negative one. When I refer to igniting the higher areas of the nervous system, I do not mean that humanity was once in a such a condition, and somehow fell from grace. There is no paradise lost, nothing to regain, no fall from grace. If, in fact, you did recapture something that was lost, you would be even more captive of your mechanical self than you are now. What I refer to by such a description as "getting above the Line of ordinary consciousness" is a growth, a development of your own nervous system in your own lifetime.
Now I want to turn your attention to the matter of triads. I have spoken previously about how everything in Life is supported on three legs, and I have used the term "triads" to describe this. I mentioned the fact that nouns will not support a triad. If you could find a situation in Life, or yourself, where a thing was just one leg of a triad, then you would not have a living situation. Now consider this: Thinking about things is a part of a triad. I'm using "thinking about things" in the ordinary intellectual, or Yellow Circuit, sense of mentation. I have used the example of someone thinking, "If I had a new sports car, completely paid for, I would be happier." I used it to show that obtaining some desired thing does not bring about the desired result. The acquisition of the thing does not bring about the desired result -- it is not the acquisition of the thing that seems to be a part of the living triad, or that seems to be of some importance to the person thinking about it.
There is a triad going on when you are thinking about a thing. But there is a very fine, specific difference between "a thing", and "thinking about a thing". It is such a fine distinction that it takes a bit of effort to see that there are triads going on continually that apparently, at that particular moment, have no other basis or reality than in your own imagination, in your own Yellow Circuit. Do not make the mistake of believing that which normally goes by the name of imagination, your internal voices, is not a triad, because it is. There is a practical significance here, and it is useful. You can begin to use it before the fact when the Yellow Circuit voices are talking about a triad. When it seems as though your own continually running imagination is dreaming about, "What if I could do so-and-so, what if things were such and such," don't fall into the trap of saying, "That's just my imagination." Because then you've got to ignore what I tried to point out to you that there's no such thing as "imagination." Imagination is something. Do not simply condemn what goes on in your Yellow Circuit as simply imagination, talking about things that are not alive, because that is not true.
Try and consider how this might be used to become familiar with your voices singing a certain scenario. It may be just little sketches that go on and on. It may seem to coincide with feelings of self-condemnation, or the voices could say, "Well, now you can't do that, or if you could do it, it will be useless." You can learn from what seems to be imagination going on, because that is a triad. All three flows must be going on for you to imagine anything. The voices, remember, are really of no consequence within themselves. But you are passing up a living laboratory, a continuing running of an experiment going on in you, if you ignore the voices on the basis that they have no value. The apparent content of what runs through any of the circuits, particularly the Blue and Yellow Circuits, is almost of no significance and no value whatsoever. What is of value is to see that this process goes on in you and everyone. You begin to see that the voices, that is, the electrical current running through the circuits, are necessary energy transformations. The idea has surfaced in many religions and would-be mystical activities that it would be beneficial to somehow stop the voices, to halt the flow of energy through the circuits. But if the voices could somehow be stopped it would be functionally fatal. The physical body might continue to live (this happens accidentally with people who are physically maimed) but if the other circuits are shut off, the person is functionally dead. If an ordinary person was reading a book, and some energy passed through them that led them to believe that, "If I could learn to meditate, or if I could take a pill, or if I could learn some trick and could cut off this internal garbage, I'd be better off. I believe the voices are demons, that they stand between me and some connection with the great cosmic spirits." If they could do what they say they want to do, they would be functionally murdered. They would no longer be transferring energy at the level that ordinary humanity does. The reason I use the term "functionally fatal" is because the organism itself might continue to survive, but as far as the ultimate function, just at the ordinary level of what humanity serves, they would be slaughtered.
Ordinary humanity would say that these internal voices are a psychological phenomenon, but that is not the case. They are in fact basically a Red Circuit phenomenon, since they originate in the Primal Flow and the Red Circuit is the first manifestation of this flow. This is why I have pointed out the fact that by the time anything gets to the Yellow Circuit, it's too late. That is, it is too late on the basis of a person saying, "I am conscious and I know what I am doing." That's the same kind of person who will not seriously entertain my question of, "What are you going to say next?" Because by the time they consider the question, it's too late. The voices are transferring energy, they are not demons. They are useless for the few people attempting to do This, because they have served their purpose: they have already brought you, as a total organism, to the level of ordinary consciousness. You are as conscious as all the rabbis, priests, ministers, and winos in the world. The running of the voices is a part of the past, and it continues to replay itself throughout one person's lifetime. It is not that the voices are in some way to be absolutely stilled by cutting their throat. The closest I care to tell you is what I've already told you -- the question just becomes irrelevant. You make a mistake and you lose an opportunity if you believe that the voices and their mechanical talk, imagination in general, or just the running of the circuitry, are irrelevant in regard to attempting This Activity. True, everything they tell you is of no consequence. But, it is proof of energy being transferred and transmitted within you. Like everything else the internal world of the circuits operates in triads, and in the Yellow Circuit, "thinking about things" is a part of a triad.
I want to expand on something I gave you to consider when I said, "That which begins in anger, will never end up in Tahiti." That which starts primarily in the apparently negative, resistive component of the Primal Flow which I have named the D flow, cannot easily turn into that which would seem to be in the midst of the creative, or C flow. When something just strikes you that: "This is a great hostility, a kind of negative regressive resistance this person seems to be espousing, and it's surely being operated as a mouthpiece for D flow", then you will not perceive it become the other flow. Remember, your observation is a conditional one, and it will change. The way that perception ordinarily works, the one flow you observe cannot turn into the other while you observe it. Now that's not saying that one flow cannot turn into another, but when it happens, you are not aware, under ordinary conditions, that one turned into the other. If you could be conscious of that now, you could see what triads were.
It can appear that a flow seems to be in one place, or going through one person, as primarily C flow or D flow (it appears that way, but it isn't). But if it were true, it is not that it will not or cannot turn into another flow. But the way in which ordinary consciousness works, once you have perceived what seems to be one situation, or what seems to be one person being run by a flow, within the kind of time frame that isolated perception works, even if it changed right before your eyes, you can't see it because you're going to have to blink. A new time frame of perception will take place and you will not see a D flow turn into C. I'm not saying it works that way, remember, but if it did you could not see it. You would have to expand your perception. If you could do that, then you would begin to see that triads are moving. You would begin to see the reality behind that which seems to be "one thing" happening. For example, suppose your mate came home and said, "Oh, hello honey, glad to see you," and almost a split second later they looked around and angrily said, "Where is my supper anyway?" Ordinary perception divides that up, and says it's two differing things: the person walked in the door, and went from, "Hello," snap into, "Well listen now, why isn't supper ready?" The seamless universe of moving triads requires the ability to operate a new perceiving mechanism with such a shift. There is no isolated "thing", no such scenario as a condition in which circumstances change and turn it into another mood. Now ordinarily that does appear to be what happens. But if that explained anything, then the whole world would be fully conscious.
Within the kind of time frame, within what I call the "tempo spectrum," when you can observe what seems to be a "situation," you apparently perceive one force or one flow going through a person, you perceive the person being in a certain position in a situation. The perception cannot change within that same time frame in which ordinary consciousness has the ability to perceive things, until you blink. The time frame has to shift again. It is like the lines drawn in a piece of music where the musical piece is divided into measures. This continual blinking is the way in which ordinary consciousness chops up and divides everything as opposed to a continual seamless movement wherein everything is connected. In contrast to the seamless movement of triads, recall my description of the Straight Line Illusion: the apparent sequential line of cause and effect. That illusion would cause an ordinary person to say of my example, "Well, he seemed to be primarily in a kind of laid back C mood and then he looked over my shoulder, and not seeing supper, that caused him to get in a bad mood." At the ordinary level of consciousness, that's just as true as it can be. But it is a matter of perception. It is a matter of one apparent observation occurring in one time frame, and another occurring in another time frame. If you could expand your perception, you would not see such a change. Remember my example of watching a movie -- you are seeing thousands of separate frames moving at such a tempo that they appear to be seamless. That is an excellent example of how ordinary perception operates in a certain tempo spectrum, viewing pieces of reality as a straight line flow of cause and effect. And that is not what is happening. But as long as you operate at that level, you can never see the seamless movement going on.
It is possible to expand your tempo, your perception. I'll give you an example. Suppose you find yourself in a situation wherein a triad is already set up, and your part is preordained. Suppose your part is anger. I've told you it is possible to see inverted shadows -- that is, portents of thoughts coming up in your circuitry. You see this anger coming up, then, if you catch it and don't let it happen, it forces an expansion of the time frame of perception. You do not let those circuits speak for you. For instance, when someone has promised to do something and then tells you he won't be able to do it, you do not let that energy ground out at the ordinary Line of consciousness. What normally happens is that you perceive you are involved in a triad, and then it shifts. But you miss it, because you blinked. That is, you think something new has happened. As far as ordinary perception can see, one bar of music has changed to another. You simply reached the limit of one time frame of perception: you blinked, and suddenly the triad had changed. Apparently it was a sequential line of cause and effect, changing you. You've gone from happy to see the person, to infuriated and hurt. If you can withhold that, you break down a bar in this great piece of music -- you expand the time frame of perception. Nothing unusual is going on, nothing to cause anger, nothing to cause anything. But that is astounding to experience. I told you before, the first few times you are actually able to do this, you'll never forget that person, that situation. You will always remember them fondly in a way that you cannot now understand. You see that it is not one thing causing another, but one big, seamless carpet. You glance without blinking, you swing your head like a lighthouse of consciousness, and it is astounding to behold.
What you then see is not what ordinary humanity would believe when they hear such ideas. It is not mystical; it is not a psychological trick. It is based upon the operations of the nervous system. But once the highest limit of the Yellow Circuit has been reached, there is an impasse, for nothing can describe its homeland. No machine, no system can describe itself on its own level, and so the nervous system cannot perceive the operations of itself. But they are there; I'm describing them for you. No one, except the Few in This Thing, can understand what's going on. No one can understand how people could treat them like they do, or why they're so full of guilt and frustration. Everyone is looking for gods, or psychological traumas in childhood to explain their condition, but it is based upon physical law. And you can change it, within degrees.
There is something else I want to expand on: that anger toward a lie becomes its own proof. That could almost sound as if it were a religious axiom, but it is a physical fact. What I mean by a "lie" is whatever strikes your nervous system in a negative manner -- for example, when somebody unjustly accuses you, or treats you as though you were not worthy of their attention or suggests that you are of inferior intelligence. I mean everything possible. We're talking about actual physical laws, having to do with man being a nervous system transmitter of energies that Life is using to grow. Resistance to a lie is its proof because what you have done is furnished the critical response -- you've created a triad. The lie then lives -- not in some pseudo-mystical or religious way, but because you have furnished the resisting force to it. Now you've got a triad and you furnished it.
When you do respond to a lie as your nervous system says you should, that is, "I am being unjustly accused and lied about," you have set up the resistance and you have played your part. You furnished one/third of the support of a triad and it is now in a sense, fact. You are involved with it and tied up in it. There are stories of apparent leaders of past systems who, when confronted by their accusers, refused to respond, to furnish any resistance. (In the Anglo-Saxon judiciary system, you must respond to the court as guilty or not guilty as the State charges you. To people who won't respond the court itself enters a plea of "not guilty". It is a non-understood reality in the full trilateral world that for anything to live, there must be Three Forces, there has got to be the resistance). I ask you -- could such stories be true? Suppose the court or another human said, "Look, you've been charged with something I can't make a lot of sense out of, is it true or not true? Even if it's true, just tell us that you don't really believe it and you won't do it again. At least just respond." And they would not. Could somebody who understood something extraordinary actually give up their life, rather than just say yes or no? You don't have to take that literally, just look in your own Yellow Circuit.
In the beginning, when a situation seems to be arranged in a certain position and you're unjustly accused, there is always the possibility that a triad is not going to come to fruition, and nobody will really notice it. It would be like two wrong forces coming together. If you could have two D forces and an E force, or just two D forces come together, (which in a sense can't happen, but in another sense if it did happen) the time frame of perception is such that it would be a nonexistent event. No ordinary human could perceive it even happening. Its life would be almost beyond the range of any perception, it would just be like a false step, a momentary nothing of one cell bumping into another one. But all you've got to do is resist, and you've put in another force; now the thing is alive. You have furnished resistance to something that was useless, that served no purpose in helping to ignite and develop you.
Forget any damage to your reputation, or the fact that you've got to defend yourself. You do not resist because it is most beneficial, and you do it based upon your own Understanding that there are physical laws at work as opposed to so-called psychological religious laws. You can't negatively respond to that which seems to be lies. It has nothing to do with upholding your reputation or serving the will of the gods. It has to do with the fact that, "If I resist this, I am putting in the opposing force and it will come alive." It's perverse alchemy, in the sense that by resisting a lie, you can create a creature out of nothing. And it will bite you.
The ordinary conception of humility, like everything else, is two/thirds of something. Your old Line level perception of the idea of humility was of no ultimate value. The voices could say, "Well, we're just trying to be humble," when you were frightened, for example. But in the triaxial world there is a reality to this concept that is not psychological or spiritual. Consider how it is normally used and what people's circuits believe humility means. Let me point out what should be obvious, but is so subtle that it seems quite apropos to the way that it operates in ordinary life. If there were a living profitable reality to the word humility with ordinary people, religious leaders, they would truly be more enlightened beings, and do you understand that there would not be a sign in front of the church or temple with their name and credentials on it? But apparently almost the reverse is true. "Minister Ph.D." sounds almost right to someone thinking, "If I'm going to be led spiritually and informed of some kind of higher truths, I want to know who I'm learning from and know their credentials." Do you understand that if Real humility existed, if there was a living reality to it and that if somebody, somewhere, running some activity was truly conscious above the Line, the last thing that would be in front of that building would be the person's name and credentials? But if that were true, who would show up?
There is a way in which you've got to begin to see that you should not put your name on what you do with This. Don't, allegorically speaking, put out some kind of sign in front of you as being this temple, this great experiment in living action, within yourself.
Talking about yourself is the most likely and weakest spot for people involved with This in the beginning. To talk about you is like being a good old ordinary religious person. Then you can put up a nice sign out front. All of you have got some glimpse of the fact that you've got to be unknown, in a sense, to do This Thing. The more that you attempt to identify yourself as being involved with something like This, you're throwing money away and running backwards. You're wasting time at the very least. There is a physical reality to humility. It is not something that you can learn or something that you can face. It is not like the circuits believe out in ordinary life. And it has nothing to do with saying "woe is me."
I want you to try to consider something about Neuralizing. Call it a different or higher level of Neuralizing than I have been describing. It's still based upon being able to be aware of something without thinking about it, without being totally held by it or it being totally supported by the ordinary running of the Yellow Circuit. But you can be constructively aware of a "problem" and in a sense you can work on it without "thinking about it" or having any specific plans toward it. Now remember, there are no such things as "problems" and you can't "work on" them. But you can work on things without specifically working on them, or specifically thinking about them. You can let things float. This is another level of Neuralizing. Ordinary people ofttimes say, "Well, I almost forgot about something, a problem I had, and it seemed to work itself out of the clear blue sky. It was suddenly like, "Ah! - and the answer came to me." That happens all the time in life, a new filing system at the office; a new way to do a program in a computer business; or some way to handle an unruly employee or a child. And there is a reality to it out in life, there are many attempted explanations for This. But the basis of the reality is that the triads have changed, and now the person's perception is in a different place.
That is the basic physical reality of it. But you can force this to be used to your own advantage. If you decide to do something, lose weight, quit smoking, get up two hours early -- do not tell yourself that you're going to do that. Because if you do, "yourself" is going to put up the resistance, immediately. Of course, a piece of you must be now alive and beyond the extent and limitations of ordinary consciousness to be able to do it. You simply decide: "I'll do it," and you don't say it in words. You're aware of it, and Yellow Circuit wants to imitate it. (I'm describing something that doesn't exist until you do it, of course, which is why this doesn't make sense. But some of you will Hear it, even though that's impossible.) Beneath that skull cap of ordinary Yellow Circuit consciousness, you decide to get up two hours early. The Yellow Circuit has an awareness of this and is about to say, "two hours early!" You learn you can refuse to let it talk. It's almost as though you say it, though you knew it was going to holler "two hours early!" Then you would have had a triad to deal with when what you wanted to deal with was getting up two hours early. You didn't want to deal with sitting here talking with yourself and arguing about it.
I want you to see this slightly different, higher version of Neuralizing. You are aware of a general plan or aim you have in mind, and nothing strikes you immediately of how to go about it. Or perhaps something does strike you immediately of how to go about it and you're not pressed enough to take that first response from your circuitry, which is always questionable, unless you're operating continually at a higher level. You can almost let this thing, this problem, this question float around without putting your hands on it. You can remember it without thinking about it, and you can actually work on it, yet the problem does not know it. If you're thinking of remodeling your house, and a room says, "Are you fixing to turn me into a carport?", you refuse to admit any of it. You can work on it, and it's almost as though there were invisible hands in the lower circuitry working on this problem.
Here's something else I want you to consider: if you listen to the voices in you that admit to any superiority, or that will offer condemnation of another person, you are in a sense admitting their authority over you. There is a way in which you should never admit, in any way other than one, Life's power over you. That one way is in its unassailable authority over the general grid of Life. Do not admit in any way, shape, or form that Life has any power over that which you personally understand. It simply does not. But ordinarily you admit that it does verbally, non-verbally, and physically. It is part of being an incomplete program. When I use the word Life, I mean the ordinary level of conscious perception as it is, as it is manifested in other people. But expand it to everything. Simply do not admit that Life has any power over you in what you understand.
Asking this as a rhetorical question, how can it be that from one viewpoint there are people in Life that are more advanced than Life itself? Life itself is still involved with warfare, anger, hostility, prejudice and everything that is traveling on the wavelength of that particular D flow. Yet there are people who are less of a conduit for that kind of negative energy than is Life itself. There are people, from certain viewpoints, who have more control, have less to do with those kinds of negative flows than Life as a whole does. If you catch one glimpse from a certain viewpoint, there are individuals more conscious than Life is. Of course, that's impossible. But if it could be true, that is what I'm telling you. There is sort of an interim theorem you can use until you understand that, in a very true sense, other than its unassailable control over the grid of Life itself, Life has no authority over you. Up until that point you may operate on the "Be That As It May" theorem. It's like you say, "Until I understand it, 'Be That As It May' and onward." You may say, "Apparently Life has now got me: not simply the control of me as it will always have in the general grid, but in some way personally. There are forces beyond my control, forces of knowledge and persuasion coming through other people that I can not defend myself against. There are forces of intellectual reasoning and persuasion, if not emotional onslaughts, aimed at what I seem to believe, that are stronger than my own understanding." It's not true until you see and feel it yourself, but you might remember the "Be That As It May" theorem.
Here is something else. When people are involved with This, they struggle, go through stages of being involved, and then it seems like you suddenly understand the predicament. It's like you see that you, and everyone else, is stuck on flypaper. Everybody else believes they're free and flying around and they're not. But you see it, and it's astounding. But the excitement of seeing the problem is short-lived. In the beginning, of course, it is a big deal: to have some new perception of what the problem is, which is simply another description of the situation. But after the short-lived part, then it's like description of the situation. "I'm beginning, of course, to get some kind of knowledge, combined with my own struggle and observation of how to pick up a foot or a hand." But then about the time you first seem as though you're able to lift your hand from one place, where it was always stuck, you're faced with something that you didn't expect. There's no place to put it down. It's all flypaper. You know that you must move, but it's all flypaper. There is a kind of reality to Neuralize of not being just a Yellow Circuit process. There is a full-circuit kind of Neuralizing as a form of juggling yourself. There's a way of describing Neuralizing as being a process of trying to be aware, to be conscious of things, of processes, without letting your Yellow Circuit hold them. Without letting your old perceptions filter them, and process the program, then spit out the same old answer.
It sounds strange, because it's beyond the comprehension and ability of the ordinary Yellow Circuit, which is the machinery, which is the process. It's being able to remember something without thinking about it and then you take that as a working description of using yourself. Then you're faced with a kind of impossible physical situation: how is someone going to pick themselves up and juggle themselves? But regardless of the fact that it can't be done, you can juggle yourself continually in the air. You can remember yourself in a certain kind of way without ever thinking about yourself, without ever offering any resistance. Even if, for the time being, it was flypaper as far as your present eyes could perceive, what if you could lift yourself off of it -- not just in terms of, "Well, I'm off of it" -- but to just keep juggling yourself until further notice so that you don't fall back? What if you could have a working, usable understanding of the fact that there is no place to stand or land?
Tied to this is the illusion of the straight line phenomenon. You can observe there is a way in which the energy of the circuits, the Yellow Circuit with its voices, thoughts, and opinions, runs in short, fragmented bursts. It's the same as when I've talked about the bursts of energy running up the spine, pointing out that consciousness always puts "you" somewhere: You are no longer floating, you don't wonder where you are, or if you're losing your mind. That will not work with attempting to juggle yourself. If you're going to get back down on all fours in a stable position, it's more flypaper that you'll be stuck in. What kind of progress is it when you come back down, you're just stuck again? What if you could juggle yourself for the time being and never come down, until something new shows up on the horizon besides flypaper, or until you can find another level of something?
Something else for you to Neuralize -- what is involved with people feeling guilty over not living up to their word? And I'm not just referring to people in general, but to you, since you are people too.
You're affected when the circuitry is concerned with being involved with what seems to be a total flow of, "Yes, I will do that for you, you can count on me." Then you don't do it and after the time has passed and it's too late, you're aware that you haven't done it. Forget your religious background. I'm trying to hint to you that there is a physical reality involved to the discomfort you feel. There is a need in Life's growth for this. Can you consider that there is a kind of discomfort to energy being misfiled? To use more conventional descriptions, it's like energy as information was misfiled and it cannot be properly retrieved at a later date. That is the discomfort. It's not morality of, "Now I'm suffering over deeds not done." When you say that you'll do something, it is like filing away a piece of information by taking energy and routing it to a certain place, expecting it to come up at a future horizontal time. You're filing it away to bring it out and pass it along in some form at that future date, and when the date arrives you can't find the energy. You have misappropriated and misfiled it. It is discomforting and physically frustrating. With ordinary people it comes out as some kind of spiritual or psychological guilt.
Something else to consider is what seems to be a kind of weight that people experience when they do not speak on some troublesome matter that they believe demands their comments or condemnation. Even months later the people involved remember it and feel they should have said something back then. Try and consider from a quite real physical view what could possibly be going on that the circuits are struck in such a way that they want to oppose or condemn something, yet don't do it, and then suffer over it. It's like a weight they're carrying to feel they should have said something but didn't. What could be the reality of this?