No Alterations

One earthbound intellectual and would-be celebrity, after some months on the media road promoting his new book, says that he has come to find interviews like being thrown into a den of writhing slippery clichés and being asked to skin them in twenty words or less.



After years of careful consideration of contemporary concerns, this one self-appointed critic and social observer summed up his finding thusly, “In the matter of ‘current events,’ I find it to be more a matter of ‘current’ than of ‘events.’”



You can misspell gun,
you can mispronounce pistol,
but in the northern hemisphere,
bullets will still kill you.



While passing a newly noted planet the other evening, I noticed a large lighted sign that proclaimed, “Our God Doesn’t Do Alterations,” and dropping down for a closer look, I discovered that everyone was the spitting image of everyone else.



In a firmly establishment voice, a father told his offspring, “Look, let’s get this clear, I’m not saying I’m superior to everyone else, just that I’m superior to YOU.”  (And the rapidly expanding kid was not particularly amused.)